Flip you

I have a friend at work who lives here in Minnesota and our standard greeting is to flip each other off. It’s both aggressive and endearing which makes it just about perfect. We also try and find ways to throw each other off with clandestine birds and FU text messages. So yesterday I interrupted a meeting he was holding to toss one at him and he reached into his pocket and handed me a folded piece of paper that he said someone left for me.


I do so love this job and my coworkers have a lot to do with it. The game is now escalating and that’s usually where I do my best work.

This going to be quick because I am presenting tomorrow and my particular flavor of neuroses requires that I practice at least once tonight. We just finished a cocktail reception so I am fed and watered but tired as hell. I’m really writing this because someone on this floor loves weed. It smells so strong in the hallway that I could have picked up a little contact buzz and it immediately took me back to the Snoop Dogg concert I went to with my friend George a few years ago. We had seats on the floor in Gen Pop and were offered multiple smoking options but declined them all.

We had pregamed at a bar near the venue so we didn’t feel like any other enhancement was necessary to enjoy the silky stylings of Sir Snoop. Great concert and we didn’t really think anything of the second hand fog we spent two hours in until we found ourselves at Steak and Shake laughing uncontrollably. Partially because we were so high and also due to one of our genus ideas to order the complete menu. I’m not sure it was every single item listed but the total was north of $150 so we had to come close. If we would have crashed on the way home I’m pretty sure all of the discarded food and trash would have kept us more than safe.

Whichever neighbor is getting stoned they are serious. This morning I walked through a cloud of wake and bake that would have made Cheech and Chong proud. It’s far enough away that I don’t get any in the room but the hallway is a pungent place where brain cells go to their final blissful end. I might be getting high unbenounced to me as this post is more disjointed than usual. Stopping now while the quitting is good.

Fiverrrr

I paid one of the fiverr folks a fin to do that to a picture and I have to say it’s growing on me. When I first got it I wasn’t thrilled but I think I’ll use it as an avatar and possibly a site icon. For those following along at home this is the picture that caused me so many problems yesterday but it turned out to be user error. I didn’t really pay attention to the file size so I didn’t notice that it was meant to display as some sort of billboard. Once I shrunk it down it worked just fine And I did all of that extra troubleshooting for nothing. That was on my mind as I sat at a bar earlier when a lawyer seated next to me struck up a conversation.

As we talked he somehow got on to the subject of online content and the Creative Commens License one of which used to reside on these pages. I was feeling quite spunky because I knew something about this particular legal type subject. I was already to talk about the benefits of the free copyright tool when he hit me with a logic haymaker. “What in the hell are any of these idiots going to do if someone does ever steal some of their content?” When I suggested they would take them to court he told me I was partially right but the real answer is they would call a lawyer. And the first thing an attorney would want to know is what is the content worth?

He went on to talk about the value of cat videos and recipes but I was lost in my own thoughts. Who in the hell was I going to sue over stealing from this pile? I complain about the five dollars per month it burns already so talking to a person billing sixty times that per hour is out of the question. The little legal blurb initially made me feel protected but now it just makes me feel stupid(er). Down comes the license and up comes my simple declarative statement.

Go ahead and copy this crap if you want to but give a brother a mention as the author. Maybe a link back to stupidtom.com while you’re at it… remember, stealing is bad and if you do it without giving credit or attempt to claim it as your own then I wish terrible things upon you. So ends the stupidtom copywrong.

It’s not that I don’t care I just need to get real about this whole deal. By the way I could not allow the legal balloon burst to go unanswered so I started him rolling down a hill by asking what great things he has created that delivered him to scenic St. Paul and this particular sad establishment. He had some weak justification but I kept peppering the conversation with things like “hotbed of corporate intrigue” and naming big Minnesota based corporations that he obviously did not work for. My last beer tasted deliscous mixed with his dejection and sadness.

Not sure how strong I ended though considering I deleted the license first chance I got. Oh well, one less thing.

Testing again and always it seems

I should be asleep right now rather than screwing around with this not so relaxing anymore hobby as I need to get up early and drive but the turd I posted in this punch bowl earlier didn’t stick so my broken brain is insisting I figure it out before I go to bed. I can’t even recreate the post because the thing that’s broken is the ability to upload images and that is enough to make me want to karate chop this platform. And by platform I mean the collection of software gizmos required to produce this nonsense not the physical collection of wood and fasteners currently suspending my bulk above the cold wood floor. I might ask everyone who comes here to submit their address so I can type out each post, print them, stuff envelopes, address, stamp, and send. It sounds kind of calming compared to the aggravation  I am currently enduring.

Now you will have no way of knowing this but I am about to administer a complete stupidtom pressure test. Not of this site but my body. Once I hit post if it doesn’t go through I will immediately be running in the red. Any borderline brain aneurysms will pop for sure but the last thing you will see is the snow post from yesterday and assume my brain beat my heart to the attack after the manual labor. Her goes nothing…. 

crapwinterishere

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I had partially convinced myself that this whole global warming thing would mean that winter might no longer be a thing. Today snapped me back into reality. And as if the snow weren’t enough of a hemorrhoid the boy has Mono so the shoveling fell square on me. And I do mean shoveling as the previously discussed delusion prevented me from getting all of the necessary supplies required to blow the snow. So I did what had to be done but I was not happy about it.

One benefit to no longer have an elderly person living next door means that the shovel lines stop dead at the property border conveniently identified by the new owners and their survey crew. I would leave permanent staked strings up if it wouldn’t trip so many dog walkers (he said in shaky potential legal defense in case the mood overtakes) . My wife and our town won’t let me fence the front yard so my dream of people having to yell “Open the Gate!’ when they want to visit will have to wait. I am not talking about that flimsy pre-built stockade fencing either. I want a real stockade fence honed from the logs of my beloved Buckthorn. One that was sturdy and tall enough to support ramparts all around the perimeter. WAIT, that reminds me, I need to get busy and take cuttings from my mature thorns to plant all around the island in Michigan. Buckthorn is so much easier than constructing an actual fence and I can start the work before things go upside down and we have to take the island as refuge. Pretend you didn’t read that.

I just finished my second round of shovel and only had to stop once to renew my ongoing war with the plow drivers. On the first pass he leaned in and knocked my recycling and garbage cans. After picking them up and resetting them in the new topography I waited as he needed to make a pass in the other direction. I shoveled along until I heard him coming at which point I dropped my shovel and went double birds full extension. Some things just feel right.

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child abuse judgement call

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Happy Holiday Holy Balls there is a LOT going on in this picture! My brother and I are taking a Christmas card shot with a mall Santa who just happened to work for my Dad. Meeting him undisguised probably calmed my normal flight or flight response but you can tell things are still a bit bumpy and I mean that literally. Our hands our supposed to be in our laps but my brother is being restrained by that big kid catchers mitt but he is bracing on the arm of the chair and me for a speedy exit. Luckily his jaunty vest looks break away in case that guy tries to wrap those sausages around it during his escape.

And speaking of those outfits… WHAT?! At least you can look at my brother without getting dizzy. Plus he has that sweet belt buckle and mock turtle neck breaking things up a bit. But his stripes are all lined up. Me on the other hand, wow. You would think more would have been done to highlight my long sleeve bright red dress shirt. Neither of us had quite grown into our heads yet and speaking of melons, my brothers haircut…

Evil Santa is seated on a sharp throne of tin with wooden arms as not to cut the pretty little children. These people are once again adults hiding their true identity and should be avoided at all cost. We didn’t wait in line like everyone else. We got to go before the crowds showed up. Santa still bright eyed and smelling of Hai Karate and Lifebuoy. Later in the day he would smell like sweat and sadness. On the charges of child abuse in the lightest degree count 1: planting your children firmly in the lap of an obvious predator and count 2: humiliating matching outfits. how find you?

getout

from the kitchen

This was my work view this morning. I had to go up to the lake today because a seventeen year old house is filled with seventeen year old things. Most of the aforementioned have a designed life cycle of about twelve years give or take. They can’t die at ten as people would get wise to the whole ten year parts and labor deal. I have it on pretty good authority (my own thank you very much) that they could design some of this stuff to last well beyond twenty-five years but no one would want to sell it.

That only makes sense as the big ticket profits come from replacement sales not from swapping out the little parts that fail along the way. Being a student of the game we have diligently kept up on the maintenance and I called in some industry friends to help out. couple three hours later and everything is up and running good as nowhere near new and it should last three to five more years. The wallet did not get hit nearly as bad as it could have been.

At some point I will tell the story of the service tech that tried using scare tactics on me two weeks ago in an attempt to get me to buy new but I am in my happy place right now. Tomorrow I plan on the Google review equivalent of scorched earth but tonight I am just happy it all worked out for the best. Spoiler alert: I threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave the house in under five minutes…

Good Eye

For as few of you mutha effers out there not much gets by. I need to apologize to the two people who signed up for the experimental stupidtom forums. All are officially gone now but your suggestions are duly noted. For those who missed it don’t feel bad. You would have had to hit the box with the bars at the top right of the page to expose the menu system. That’s where experiments show up. The forums were Things I NEED to Read, Things I NEED to Hear, and Things I NEED to See. The thought running through my head was my friends could drop suggestions in there and I would always have a backlog of interesting things if the well went dry. Then I remembered that I keep a borderline amount of lists already and a forum on this site could quickly fester into a boil of annoyance so I cut them all out a couple hours after they were created.

When I said borderline earlier I meant that my list making mike place me on some kind of spectrum. I’m not sure which one exactly but I am most certainly on at least one. So bad in fact that on my To Do list for this weekend is an item entitled Clean Up All Lists. If you need to make a note on a list to clean up your lists it is a problem. Now that they are all digital its right there in front of my face every time I add a new note. I think I just discovered a hidden benefit of hand written things – new list, new page. And if the list pages got too thick I could scatter them throughout the notebook for organizational sake… Like someone who loves something so much that they discard the evidence in different garbage cans for a whole pile of reasons. Anyway, the forums are no more.

Next up from the you get what you paid for department is a website of which I am a big fan. Fiverr is a place where you can pay people to do things that take them little time for little money usually because it is a side hustle. I have always been intrigued by a logo for stupidtom. I don’t know why but I figured five bucks was a reasonable spend for this hobby. Here is what I got back.

stupidtom__201 stupidtom01

These were the first round and I didn’t really love any of them so I used my one do-over and this is what they sent.

stupidtom__301

Yup, I got my moneys worth. nothing to date beats the free logo I got from my old friend Steve.

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From the umlauts to the Google colors it was exactly what I wanted. No idea why I even tried this other nonsense. But I am thinking about dropping another five to have myself turned into a cartoon…