And so it is with great relief that I will be shuttering stupidtom.com and moving on to other things. What those other things are I have no idea but after almost exactly sixteen years and over twenty seven hundred posts I can safely say its just not fun any more. For a while now cranking out content has been a grind and I am certainly not in this for the money as none has been made. Not an end but a new beginning or whatever cliche bullshit I am supposed to insert here.
I will still live on Twitter @stupidtom until that whole thing winks out of existence sometime in the future and then I will most likely abandon the whole name altogether.
and finally if you have read any of this and found it funny I thank you.
I hate to admit it but this little web site is becoming a thorn in my nutsack. It’s not really its existence that annoys but the complete lack of desire to post anything. I’m not sure what is driving this recent bout of discomfort but I think it has something to do with my internal desire to write something great every day colliding into my schedule leaving me drained. This morning slash last night a travel scheduling error that was completely my own fault found me going to sleep around my normal time of eleven thirtyish in spite of a hard try at earlier. That meant the 2:00am alarm hurt my head and it was not improved by the hour drive across Houston to return my rental car. Once I woke the shuttle driver up I made it to the airport check in area by 3:45 for a 4:25 boarding except someone forgot to tell the TSA as they do not open until after four.
It goes without saying that I was in a shitastic mood but when I went to kill some time with a post I got all twisted up in the realization that I hadn’t plopped anything down in days. I even got bumped to the front of the bus seated next to a pretentious douche and I had nothing. This could have had something to do with my overall demeanor and the DONT TALK TO ME headphones but I didn’t even react when he was bragging to the stewardess about his horse. I should just turn this into a once a week picture place because I am always taking shots of things that interest me. The moon above the clouds as the sun was coming up made me smile so I slapped my phone against the acrylic and pushed the button.
I caught motion to my right as the horseman wanted to see what was so interesting. Sadly I positioned my bulk as to completely block the only porthole thus proving that not everything has changed.
Live Leak is one of the internet rabbit holes I constantly find myself exploring and I saved one last night that haunted me. I have a little thing with heights mostly due to my lifelong war with gravity. I don’t know what country this is and that crazy writing is no help but a belt with a rope tied to it is by no means proper safety precautions. Even if it is anchored to more than a dining room table in the apartment that dude is folding in half during the fall and banging into the building like a teatherball.
Good save brave idiot.
I was up at the lake this past weekend and it took every ounce of self control I posses to ignore and not ignite that pile of sticks in the fire pit. I am still surprised by the view minus the giant hollow tree but that is not what I’m writing about today. I was also up there to look at a couple boats. I was given some good unwitting advice from someone I was haggling with online and it ramped up my search. He told me that right now he was more willing to deal because he already bought another boat and just wanted to get rid of the one we were talking about. His was a little out of my price range but the wisdom was solid. I am looking for a beater that is strong and reliable enough to pull my family and friends around on the lake. No more big cruising pontoon boats because we can swim just fine right off the dock. With my new found knowledge of possible desperation it was worth the trip plus I had an internet issue to work out with the a-holes at ComCrap.
Anyway, after exchanging ten emails with one dude from Craigslist who is in town, and him telling me that everything was great but it needed just a little vinyl repair, I got excited because his craft fell right in to what I could swing on my own. I figured that I would buy a couple rolls of Gorilla tape and reupholster the thing that way. He included what I assumed to be a picture of the worst of the damage.
Nope… This was the interior glamour shot. Since this was the best of the seating I took a pass even after he lowered his price. When he asked me why I told him how expensive that work was even if you were trying to do it yourself and he just replied with a dejected “I know…” The next one I saw was stunning but a little out of reach and it turns out I might have to enact last years drunken idea of everyone buying shares in a watercraft. Every year we talk about renting a boat but with no marina on the lake and scarcity driving up demand one weeks rental is half the cost of a used boat. The associated ass pain of maintenance, winterization, storage, insurance, etc. is all rolled in to that price which would squarely fall on the shoulders of yours truly but such is the price of fun. I will keep you posted as I might have another date up there this weekend as well.
A weird set of developments put stupidtom.com in peril. I had a side hustle offer that would have meant some much needed extra cash but they frown on people writing their own stuff. This would have been under my real name so I didn’t understand the fuss but I did use the site and some of the stories as examples of my writing. This was weird because I have shuttered this thing before and not thought twice about it but something in the way I was TOLD didn’t feel right. I took an entire week to decide and I was all over the road. The money would have been nice but how long would I enjoy writing content for a web site that ultimately paid me very little and owned work published under my name. I passed but didn’t burn the bridge. Actually burning the bridge would be a step up from my normal parting of ways as I am fond of verbal explosives that destroy the foundation and alter the banks ensuring that no one shall pass that way again.
I realize I have said almost nothing with this post details wise but again I am overcome with some uncharacteristic good sense. And in related news something came up at work this week which might have killed said same side job regardless. Then I would have taken this thing down only go through the hemorrhoid of reconstruction. So I’m back and you didn’t even know I was gone. I have a Snapchat where people I know entertain me with short videos of their lives. The program asked me to set up a code that I could send people allowing them to get to my site. I used my creepy cub scout stalker about to meet Lyle Alzado face because its blurry and makes me laugh. If you understand how to work one of those be my guest but I think you are already reading where it will send you.
Waze has pissed me off for the last time and now I cant wait for their ginormous parent company to assimilate them completely. I used to love the damn thing and it’s hippy crowd-sourcing vibe. I never understood how I was supposed to safely report traffic incidents complete with pictures while driving but that was beside the point. The thing that kept me coming back over the Google offering which has much of the technology already folded in or the Apple version which works automatically with all my stuff was the celebrity voices. James Earl Jones was the original way back in 2013 that got me to give them a try. I was hooked and the others weren’t up to snuff so I stayed when they took his voice away thinking they would bring it back next update.
I have enjoyed the different directional narrators along the way but none as much as I did Keith Morrison. He would tell me in hi creepy voice “you’ve arrived at your destination… Or have you?”
And now the voice has been removed so I have removed the app. Android people don’t even think about explaining how I could sideload voices if I didn’t have an iPhone. The fact that I know the term sideload already makes me feel dirty and your adherence and loyalty to a telephone operating system is exactly why I have the other one. You have a super keen setup with customizable everything but who in the hell is it for? When Android friends show me their fancy setups I look away in disgust just to get a reaction. Your phone’s better, you win, but I still get poor people buttons every time I text you.
Bill Hader doing Keith Morrison is the best (video not the best but all I could find on short notice) enjoy.
This is a picture of some amazing work I saw last night at the Chicago Athletic Association. The artist is Henry Kupjack and his work is truly amazing. It is scaled at one inch to one foot and what you are looking at is a seventeenth century pirate captain’s cabin housed in a sea chest. While I had had a few drinks I was no less impressed. So much so that I was looking the guy up this morning right away. I love it when human beings do shit that amazes me and this guy is as good as any.