stupidtom.com

I lost to an eating machine. This all started because we were sitting around the office talking about eating our favorite foods. As everyone was talking about different food items I mentioned my affinity for steak. The discussion switched to how much steak you could eat and then a couple of the guys talked about going down to Texas ad eating a seventy two ounce steak in an hour. The problem with that is they require you to eat a big baked potato salad and a shrimp cocktail.

Discussions of the seventy-two ouncer went on for a week or so until one of the guys was going in with his brothers on a whole cow and wondered if he should get a couple of the big steaks cut for a contest. Rules were agreed upon, a trophy was ordered, and today was the day. Seventy-two ounces of steak in an hour and you can’t get up from the table for an hour and ten minutes or you would have to pay market price for your hunk of cow. (roughly seventy five dollars)

The cuts were so thick that most of us chose to cut them into three individual steaks. I came out of the gates fast and eat the first two in ten minutes. Then after about four bites into the third and final steak I hit a wall. Or more accurately I had packed my plumbing and was in danger of solidifying my organs. We had a staggered start because once of the guys was still out in the field and by the time he started we were a half hour into our time limit.

Hid first two disappeared in an impressive eight minutes. I knew I was in trouble. Like an amateur I allowed one of my cuts to get overcooked and most of what I had left on my plate was charred fat and gristle. In the final five minutes I crammed everything that was left on my plate in my mouth and had to hold it for the ten minute no burst period. About seven minutes into my mouthful of horror the eating machine cleaned his plate.

It was incredible. He then ate two heaping scoops of potato salad, four big cookies, and washed it all down with three cans of Pepsi. That little display of showoffery sent me into the bathroom where I tried to cram my entire hand down my throat in an effort to expel as much meat as possible. For those of you not in the know and I don’t know why you would because I rarely vomit and when I do it’s usually at home, I am a Yell Puker.

So I am in the bathroom vomiting and yelling at the top of my lungs so hard that I burst blood vessels all over my face. I’ll try to take a picture of the effect because I now know what I would look like completely covered in freckles. Anyway, I will post whatever pictures cam out from the event but my focus was on the contest at hand so I won’t know what I got until I get home and plug the camera in. pictures to follow.