that didnt take long

01/26/2012

stupidtom Blog on Blog, camerasucks, eyehole, i not smart, iPad Leave a comment

The wheels came off of the whole one post one pic one tweet thing and there’s no good reason. I feel like my eleven year old. I just forgot. I’m still shooting for the pic and post thing but the tweets will have to show up when they surface. I am not a twitter guy. I use this thing on the iPad called Flipboard that lets me read the tweets I follow and Facebook like a magazine. Honestly that’s why I started the picaday thing because the people who only post words make for boring magazine reading. I already write in short bursts so I figured I would cater to another segment of my audience who cant tolerate more than a couple of sentences. Even the shitty pictures make me laugh like a couple days ago when I was bored sitting in traffic coming out of the city so I decided to take a phone picture of it. Great idea but apparently when your having a mild full body tremor you don’t really know its happening and the picture turned out like Michael J. Fox was riding shotgun taking the thing. We were at a dead calm stop and I sent the pic in without really looking at it. I am a safe driver.

You think those texting death safety commercials are bad imagine my poor kids shame talking into the camera. “my dad was taking pictures and posting them to his online diary.” Ouch, that one stung a little to type. And then there was the one that didn’t make it to air because we started moving.

This was supposed to be a shot of my hand holding my iPad just like the huge billboard but to take it I had to completely turn sideways and lean way over toward the window. Just as I was trying to get my big fat finger to touch the part of the glass that represents the button we started moving so the pad god dropped on the seat and I turned to face forward and drive like I was taught. The camera fired proving how spectacularly stupid I really am. By the way if you have wet age macular degeneration all of my pictures look crystal clear. I am a niche photographer.

 

New Rules

01/02/2012

stupidtom Blog on Blog, future kids , , , 3 Comments

I am officially removing the first rule of stupidtom = don’t talk to Tom about stupidtom or I should say that I’m amending it. If I were to write it out in flowery fake legalese it would take too long so I’ll break it down into digestible bites.

  1. Don’t bring this crap up in front of a crowd of people who know nothing about it. It’s embarrassing to explain this adult diary and then I have to say that awful word blog. Just dont do it. If you need a point of clarification or want to tell me something got you, great, wait until we are alone or amongst those in the know.
  2. Never talk about this in front of my children or any of their friends or if any of said same are in possible ear shot. This is mostly for them to get a peek at another side of me when they are older so don’t ruin the surprise.
  3. If you want to criticize something I’ve written I would caution you to swallow that thought and just move on. It will not bother me if you never read this again in fact I will not know but if you want to be a critic prepare for an irrational response. Words can hurt and when I feel up against the wall I usually skip the normal levels of escalation and go straight for the deepest cut.
  4. And finally stop telling me how you could do this and just start writing already. I want to read your stuff. I read all the time and knowing the author adds an awesome dimension so please write away. Some of you are funny as hell but you don’t have to be just fire one of these up and begin.

So there you have it. Most out loud in public speaking restrictions are lifted lets just try and follow the rules people. I almost broke down and told Katie before she left for the lake with her friends (easy Doug I said almost) but then thought better of it. I don’t think I will make it through the summer without telling though. Have a blustery day unless you live somewhere warn in which case bite me.

 

nice clean shot but no one to congratulate

09/22/2011

stupidtom Blog on Blog Leave a comment

I received another email from one of those addresses that could be anyone taking a nice clean shot at me. Most of my email addresses contain my last name or I use the stupidtom Gmail for stuff related to this or when I need to sign up for something sketchy. Like when I buy my knock-offs from Deal Extreme in china for example or when I used to get my music from the Russian mob at allofmp3.com. Those folks get some form of stupidtom. Its been a while since I thought about that site (not DealExtreme as I’m currently expecting a shipment of contraband) and I still remember how scary it was giving them my credit card information . In fact they are the ones who prompted me to get a card with a low limit that was for online purchases only which I still use today. The pisser is that the company kept upping my credit limit so I think my max burn is $500.

Anyhow back to the shot. Anonymous reader writes: “Why in the hell do you keep changing the way this thing looks? I was just getting used to the pretty colored banners and decorations when you change it into some 1990s Filofax looking thing. Facebook changes so you think you have to?”

If I might critique for a moment you should have stopped after the Filofax line. It landed squarely and even made me cringe just a little. Instead you threw in the messy book-face reference that tool away from your funny. I wish you would write this crap in the comments for all to see or tell me its OK to reprint your info when I type about it because I feel compelled to answer.

The truth of the matter is that I get bored with stupidtom and this time I switched up the theme (it really only takes the click of a button) to try and stop myself from heading down another road. I really have no better explanation than that. You were the first one to say anything because I think the majority (meaning one more than twenty which is half of my loyal readers) of people read the feed or look at it on a mobile device of some kind and none of them get to enjoy my deficit attention.

You will also notice that I left out (until now) your attempted slam that referred to the Emmy’s. First because I didn’t watch so I didn’t really get it and second because it was beneath your earlier funny. Don’t try so hard. I appreciate a good shot. For a second there I thought you might have been one of my kids but the eldest would call me to try and make me stop writing as she is generally embarrassed by my humor. (I replied to one of her Facebook posts asking that she never write the words “lick” and “nutella” where I might skim by them again. She did not find this funny) And my second child would have delivered a shot down to the bone right in the comments section followed by her full name. The boy, well, lets just say he’s not up for a battle of words just yet.

Anyway anonymous dude (assuming here but it I get a guyish feel from your writing) please comment in the comments section. I haven’t had a good word war on this thing since I made fun of Kelly Clarkson years ago. Thanks for reading and more importantly, thanks for writing.

commenty commenterson

09/19/2011

stupidtom Blog on Blog 1 Comment

As long as it appears to be douchebag talks about his fruity web log thing day I thought I’d mention that I’m going to try and do a better job of responding to comments. I do appreciate the comments over the email because I don’t like to reprint the email and then the funny gets lost. I have no idea why I have been so bad for so long but as I caught myself playing around with Blogger just a few minutes ago I remembered one of the reasons why I left them in the first place; the comment thing sucks. Between that and remembering the troubles I had with the interface I think the whole switch back is out of my system. I wish I could pull up one of my original BlogSpot pages because they were an epileptics worst nightmare. Flashing and spinning with clashing colors and music playing every time you checked in. then I got some complaints because I learned how to include a music video of the day and the two things would play at once. it was awful.

So I will sit and pay WordPress.com for yet another year unless I can find a really cheap place to reliable host this crap. Then I will go through the asspain of a move but keeping the WP backbone. Anyway, enough about this I just wanted to comment on comments outside of the comments thing.