stupidtom.com

Sorry about going dark on your asses but I was without means of electronic communication. I fired up the internet connection over the weekend only to remember that the computers were packed in unlabeled boxes somewhere either in the pod or the garage. I think my subconscious was acting like the government people at the end of that Indiana Jones movie when they were hiding the Arc of the Covenant. There wasn’t much time for typing this weekend anyway because there was way too much going on.

The floors were refinished last week and they look about as good as forty five year old refinished floors can look. And in true polishing a turd fashion just when you get one part shiny the thing next to it still looks like shit. The baseboard looks like hell and the walls were a nightmare. The baseboard is going to have to wait until the weather forces me back inside or until I come into some money that will allow me to pay someone to do a professional job. The walls were not going to remain rough on Liza’s watch.

So she “touched up” the first floor and the second floor hall which meant she repainted the whole thing while I went over to help with the church picnic preparations. It was a long day Saturday but a lot of fun. Sunday I woke up sore as a mother (I believe that saying has something to do with childbirth and while I have never actually given birth you will remember I eat a small child size portion of steak a while back so I did take a short trip down that road.) but we had to start reassembling our lives.

I moved the main floor mostly back in and one of the kid’s rooms is at eighty percent. Tonight will be more of the same fun. Randy stopped by to help me install our new microwave because when you are as rich as we are when things break you really want to pay a guy a hundred and fifty bucks to come out and tell you that its going to take a couple hundred more to get your two hundred dollar microwave hood fixed. And that repair comes with six months piece of mind. Rather than go through that again I headed over to Best Buy in search of a scratch and dent.

When I said that Randy helped me install the microwave I should strike that and reverse it. I am more of a demolition and hauling specialist. I can destroy and carry almost anything but when it comes to finesse work I can always use a hand. The wave got installed and I went back to moving until I could move no more. I am sore this morning but it will be back on the horse tonight because I want to be done with this nonsense before the fireworks on Thursday night.

My visitors are leaving this morning and I will be helping friends all afternoon followed by some celebratory consumption this evening. My family returns tomorrow and I’m thinking about taking the day off just because I have some extra time coming and need a mental health day. The floors should be done by this afternoon but I’m not going back in until my guy says it’s OK. I ignored his warning yesterday and that was stupid.

I walked in the house to see what it looked like mid-process. The smell punched me in the face and immediately made my eyes water. Then that first deep breath I took made me cough and wheeze. But I think the floors looked good through my watery eyes during my choking fit. As I stumbled out the front door I laughed at myself because no one would have found my corpse until this morning and I have no idea how they would have unstuck my rapidly decomposing because of the heat and chemical assistance body. Big fun for the fresh from Poland Polish floor guys.

Now that I think about it the call probably still wouldn’t have been made because the head guy is great but the workers all look like they made the trip over here in a shipping container so I don’t think they would be too keen on notifying the authorities. Oh well, survived to write another day. And speaking of writing I will be technologically challenged for the next few days especially if I take tomorrow off. Our phone and internet are down because they lived in a wood floor portion of the estate. If you don’t hear from me by Monday afternoon search for body stuck to floor stories. Stay thirsty my friends.

This is a day that hell itself hath sent to test me. Dramatic yes but my brain is under vice like pressure right now and I am camped out at mom and dad’s because the floors are being spruced up (shit, I don’t have time for this right now but I have no idea what spruced up really means. I hope it doesn’t have something to do with strangely handsome trees) which is completely throwing me off of my game. The family is hiding from the fumes in Michigan which I might have mentioned earlier but need to tell you to explain why I took the train in to the city just for dinner.

I first learned about this place called Smoque http://www.smoquebbq.com/ (sorry about typing the link but this thing wont let me hyperlink right now) on the Food Network and I had a hard time believing all of the hype. There were claims of the best barbeque and blah blah blah so I had to try it myself. We initially had a large group headed down but guys fell out like crazy so it ended up just Ron and I on the train down. We met up with Doctor Will whose city office is just a few blocks from the place. This turned out to be perfect because after we stuffed ourselves with the best bbq I have ever consumed we hopped into the DR. Will Mobile and rolled home. I’m already getting ahead of myself but my mind wandered thinking how great it would be if they were closer to my own office and open for breakfast.

So we got off of the train at the Irving Park station and this place was a whopping two block walk. Doc was waiting out front and we stepped in the door to secure our place in line. First impressions are that the place is way too small but I understand that this is the partner’s first restaurant so they are learning during their success. Waiting in line the menu is on a huge chalk board. This place does bbq and sides. If you want something else jump the hell out of line and let the twenty drooling people behind you take a couple steps forward.

That is the thing I think I loved most before I ate their food. The feeling that this was going to be simple and good and nothing else mattered. After we ordered we were allowed to secure seating. Nothing primes a fat guy’s appetite better than watching other people eat while waiting for his food. Our number was called and let me just say that they were luck that no handicapped or elderly folks were in my way. Metal tray lined with paper, barbeque on top with no ridiculous garnish or anything else. The sides come in either Styrofoam bowls or the tin rounds they were baked in and I have to say the presentation was perfect. Again, this is just good barbeque and if you need anything else this is not your joint.

I won’t even try to explain the food because I can’t do it justice. Between the three of us we ordered almost everything on the menu and it was all great. I am a large human who eats barbeque everywhere I go and this is the hands down best I’ve ever had. I’m writing this poorly crafted review because a majority of the hundred or so of you who stop by here each day live in this area. For those who don’t if you’re ever in Chicago you have to stop by and try it. Drop me a note and I’ll meet you there. I think this is going to become my any excuse to stop in place. But back to the reason for this review of sorts; I’m pissed that I didn’t hear about it earlier. I could have been a couple dozen trips in by this point and the fact that my brother lives close to this place is not going unnoticed. I need to get going on the day from hell but I have thoughts of Smoque dancing through my head and that makes it all better. Did I mention that I really liked that place?

Or more correctly, when it drizzles little things keep popping up that kick you in the nut sack. I spent yesterday cleaning two floors of the house out because the forty year old wood is going to be sanded down and re-sealed. I am imagining them pouring liquid on the wood after they sand it and it disappearing as if it was evaporating. I warned the guy but he thought I make joke.

I suffered a couple of minor injuries during the work but nothing to whine about except that once you cut a chunk out of the top of your pointer finger everything else you do for the rest of the day is just a little less fun. Even typing this right now I have band aids stacked on top of each other princess and the pea style in order to make a fake protective finger tip. I am correcting the double key mashes because if I didn’t this would be unintelligible.

Then I broke the microwave. That is if putting something in it and pressing start can actually break it. I think I was just the lucky winner in the when will this piece of shit finally die contest. So now along with paying for the floors I have a new wave to purchase. Awesome.

And if that wasn’t enough as I was packing the pod that is sitting on our driveway containing the contents of the rooms to be refinished I had to run to the store to get some more tape and plastic. When I came back I could have sworn that something was different. I had stuff on the driveway waiting to be puzzled into the pod and then it hit me… where is the effing bed frame? Just then one of the dozen scrap metal guys that patrol our neighborhood the day and night before garbage day drove by. mother fuckers.

I got in my truck and chased him down with no frame in sight. I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening flagging them down as they passed searching for the missing frame. That just pisses me off. Now I get to tell Liza that We no longer have a bed frame or a footboard for our bed. Oh, I forgot to mention that it was missing as well, ya, I had a sweet perfect fit slot for the headboard so it was safe in the pod. Shit, I am in some trouble on this one.

I should have mentioned that Liza and the kids are up in Michigan waiting out the toxic floor fumes. So I can replace my microwave divot before they get back but the bed she bought at the Pier One outlet that is now out of business is killing me. I think I’ll just take my lumps over the phone tonight rather than live and in person. It really isn’t that bad or completely my fault but we are running on an air tight budget and the big stupid is leaking money like a sieve.