I just watched a commercial on a local network that suggested I do something really special for my wife this year by booking her Pap smear. Who in the hell are these people to think that I would dare to book an appointment like that for Liza? And screw them for implying that if I don’t, I somehow care less about her than they do about the women on their own lives. Crap, I just looked up Pap smear and if there is an equivalent male procedure I want nothing to do with it nor do I want my wife to book an appointment for Christmas.
Nothing says Happy Holidays and I Love You quite like a card about booking my inner penis spatula scraping. I for one would rather die of Dick Hole Disease.