Let me begin by saying that shaving your head isn’t always the laugh riot that everyone makes it out to be on TV. OK nobody said it was some form of dream grooming and Telly Savalas probably had a personal skull shaver to take care of his irregular hair growth but let me just say that I admired his out bald and proud style. A quick “Who loves ya baby” and a fresh tootsie pop and he was on his way out of the makeup trailer with a freshly shaved and powdered bean.
Unfortunately I do not have my own squad of groomers so I am left to my own devices. One of which is the headblade which I have talked about before and whole heartedly endorse. There is one caution however and that is just after you change the blade it is sharp as Hell. (Assuming that Hell is extremely sharp when used like I just did and then stumbled because I have no idea why I said it.) I just went to the headblade site to get the correct link and I noticed they have a new version that costs five times as much as the original. This is not a stupidtom approved product.
So last Monday I was in the shower with a brand new cutter mounted on my HB but it was four thirty and I wasn’t paying the correct amount of attention. I normally look down when shaving the back of the melon but for some reason I ignored this proven procedure. I took a slice out of my skull skin that looked like a piece of animal hide. Which it was in fact but the animal was me and the chunk was so big that I had to dislodge it from the HB before I could finish.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever accidentally taken a potato peeler to you scalp but if you have then you know my pain. Your head just refuses to stop bleeding. I walked around with an entire roll of toilet paper pressed to the back of my skull and after twenty minutes it just looked like I was trying to clean a crime scene. So I woke Liza up and had her paint the back of my head with new skin. For a second I thought she tricked me and went out to the garage and grabbed the blowtorch. Holy Shite that burned.
Some of the stuff I screamed into the pillow would have mage me blush if I wasn’t already flushed by the acid on the back of my pate. And here I sit a week later with a sore on my head that looks like I just unplugged from the matrix. The kids are now laughing because I have been afraid to shave too close need I say why but there is supposedly a creepy ring of hair around my missing skin. Like trees growing around a meteor crater. super.