First off this was all on me. I ate the free breakfast at the Comfort Suites and I was the first one there because it doesn’t start until 6:30. Part of me wondered how they could make so much bacon so fast when there wasn’t a full kitchen in the place but love of smoked pork products won out over good sense and I had some. BIG mistake.

About two hours later I knew something was not right in Digestion Town but I had a couple more meetings to power through and then I would be back on my way to Illinois. I was on the road at hour four and things were getting interesting. A half hour into my drive I had to stop for some pressure relief. A bout of what I can only describe as bowel water never seemed to end and without a disgusting blow by blow (unintentional but smirk worthy) the ride took about twice as long as it should have.

The only out of the ordinary aside from the whole situation was during a confusing moment of prioritization a miscalculation on my part meant on pair of ruined underpants would remain in Wisconsin. It was a miserable ride home. When I arrived to grab some more underroos I thought I would just lie down for a second…

Three hours later I woke up, threw up, and headed for another meeting. By the time I got home I felt like someone had just kicked my ass. I slept from about six thirty to six thirty and today was a careful business as almost usual. Poisoned bacon, the perfect terrorist weapon.

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