On Monday I had one of those close calls that make you think about your life in its entirety and it shook me to the point that I couldn’t bring myself to write about it. Seriously, I have been having trouble writing all week because I kept wanting to tell the story but pulled back for some unknown reason. Possibly superstition, maybe just scared to say it out loud in a way but I flat out couldn’t tell the tale. Kind of like now and how much time I’m spending tap dancing and not writing what should be a simple story of a closer than normal call.
Here I go… I was driving through some of the endless road construction in Illinois and Wisconsin. Normal four lane highway down to two sharing the same side of the road with barrels separating the traffic. No big deal and I was following a truck at a pretty good clip albeit too close as it turned out. The truck was one of those container types and this one had a higher than normal bar across the entire back. I have no idea what happened because I wasn’t paying the proper amount of attention for the situation but the truck swerved and sent two barrels flying into the oncoming lane.
I can’t really tell you what was happening on the other side or with the cab of the truck for that matter because that bar seemed to be hunting for my skull no matter how hard I pushed the brakes. In desperation I swung hard right into the ditch and came to a seat belt testing stop at the bottom.
I sat there for a minute breathing hard and mentally making sure tat all of the liquid coating my body was just sweat. I was freaked out and dazed until a very nice man tapped on the window and asked if I was OK. I got out and looked around and it seemed like everything had stopped. No one was hurt but from what I could tell everyone was a little shook up. Long story shortened a little we got my car out of the ditch and I was back on the road in about a half hour. Covered in mud, smelling like I had just been in a fight, and wondering what in the hell I was doing with my life.
I made some lame excuse and blew off the meeting I was headed to and drove back to the hotel room to calm down. As soon as I got back I sent Liza an email but didn’t tell her what it was about. I just let her know some things that I should have in case things came to an instant end. Still feeling it the next day I sent another email but again failed to let her know what the underlying deal was. So that night we were talking on the phone and out of no where she hits me with “You’re not thinking about killing yourself are you?”
Holy shitake mushrooms. Is that what I sounded like? I know I might not have been very bubbly lately but punching my own ticket? First, I should probably lay off talking about my plans to “fall” from the back of a cruise ship sometime after my eightieth birthday should I live that long. Second, I need to upgrade my situation soonest because apparently I am presenting as some type of pathetic suicidal case of some sort. Shite! I hate self awareness sometimes.