training day

I spent the day with a manufacturers rep from England and it wasn’t bad until hour number four. At the four hour mark I finally began screwing with him because he would not shut the fuck up in the car between calls. I asked him to honor a little adult quiet time as we listen to some innocuous sports radio. Instead I got to hear his entire life’s story. That’s when I had to tell him that I really couldn’t understand what he was saying. In fact I had a screaming headache from trying to decipher his accent so could we please just be quiet for a while.

Nope, no suck luck. In an effort to maintain my fragile sanity I began making up local phrases. I was using things I noticed around me and expounding on their meaning. For instance:

Slurpie is a “Chicago slang term” or CST from now on for good looking woman. By the end of the day I had him fully using this one even telling him that it was safe around suburban gals as it was an inner-city gang thing.

Bus Stop is a CST for a bathroom. I told him that if he needed to use the washroom while we were driving around just let me know to drop him off at the bus stop.

Bumble Bee, CST for any official vehicle with lights and sirens. This was my weakest effort but as I was bullshitting my way through the half thought I reasoned that the drug dealers used this to throw off the PoPo.

I had some more but some of them were downright embarrassing I will give you the terms and you try an figure out what I said it meant: Burnt Toast, Toilet Brush, Banana Split, Asian Carp.

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