Delay of Game

That’s right I’m calling a penalty on myself for this delayed post. As previously mentioned my work world is upside down, black is white, dogs and cats living together… (Ghost Busters reference out of nowhere) Anyhow, Things have been batshit crazy today and I’m just getting around to thinking about other things. A quick update on the whole work situation I have decided to stand pat at my current employer. And while I might not know what “stand pat” exactly means I am using it as staying put, kind of firmly, as in not going anywhere, for now.

And as that subject is now clear as mud I’ll be moving on. I woke up last night to more of this crazy ass howling wind. Normally I sleep the uninterruptable peace of the dead so I thought there must have been a fairly dramatic event that yanked me from my slumber. My first thought was that the giant tree next door finally went horizontal. I tried checking from the kids rooms but couldn’t get a good look. So I headed downstairs to check the view from that angle. No luck so I decided to head outside.

I grabbed my winter coat because going out back in just my underpants didn’t seem like a good ide in spite of the personal insulation I’ve cleverly placed around my vital organs it looked like there might be debris in the air. (foreshadowing music please. dramatic dunt dunt dunnn will do) I tiptoed like an enormous effeminate ballerina to the fence but the tree was still swaying. For one irrational second I thought it might have been a ploy by the tree to get me closer. My mind instantly flashed to being found in my Carhart hoodie and underwear so I scampered toward the house.

Just then a piece of plastic bag hit me right in the face. I wish I could tell you that I immediately identified it as such and calmly discarded the blowing trash but it was not so. My first thought was BAT! GETITOFF! GETITOFF!GETITOFF!. I was screaming like a little girl with a face full of snakes. Thankfully the wind was so freaking loud that the neighbors were not disturbed. Just me. I went back inside with my heart racing completely convinced that the old tree I have been making fun of for months is now actively screwing with me.

For the record it only took me fifteen minutes of reading to calm back down enough to finish my sleep. I’m tired and a little edgy today but that could be die to some pee wee football developments. If I believed in or even understood biorhythms I would say that mine are somewhere in a deep valley. Why in the hell would a bat attach itself to my FACE? I’ve got some problems.

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