fidget

Much like getting busted staring at a woman’s cleavage (I am powerless when it comes to female anatomy) today I got caught in an angry mumble and chose to repeat it rather than go the Oh, nothing route. This vertically challenged woman was standing at the self serve pop station having a conversation on her cell phone. She was already committing a fill breech of etiquette by attempting to put her lid on while parked under the fountains. This blocks everyone else from being able to start their process. Plus she was just tall enough to be shouting her conversation right over her cup directly at the apparatus. Luckily she was about nine flavors down from my addiction but it was still bullshit. This makes her about four and a half feet not tall and she was not getting my hint no matter how much I crowded and loomed.

Once she noticed the shadow that had engulfed her she turned sharply toward me, pulled her phone away from her mouth, scowled, and gave me a disapproving tooth suck that should have dislodged her central incisors. As she turned to finish putting the lid on I mumbled “fidget.” She wheeled on me and barked out WHAT WAS THAT?! Having no time nor inclination to think about it I repeated “FIDGET. As in fucking little midget. A synonym for rude miniature human with a chip on her shoulder and no regard for anyone else.” She started to get shitty but it was time for me to move on and put my own lid on so I talked over her asking why she wasn’t more spatially aware as she could easily be trampled by a crowd of kids let alone the damage that I could inflict with an accidental misstep.

She yipped something about FAT ASS and I over-spoke once again with “I’m big bald and fat, you cant ride anything at Six flags, lets just call this one a draw.” When I left I think she was still talking to be but who can hear from that far away. As I drove to my meeting I entertained myself with things to say to my new tiny nemesis. If she shows up again I will be ready. I think I need to run through proper fill etiquette and maybe complete Speedway procedures as a public service. Don’t worry if they’re not in your area the rules are universal.

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