I’m reaching dangerous levels of DON’T CARE regarding my current employment situation and the few remaining coworkers that are still hanging on. I started to get the feeling today that future plans were being built on my considerable back without full disclosure to yours truly. This pissed me off in a royal fashion and it led me down a dark path of poisonous vocalization. As the conversation deteriorated my swear governor came loose. Then when I was accused of not “being on board” all bets were off. I have to be careful here because I’ve signed four or five nondisclosure agreements and a couple confidentialities as well so I’ll leave out details of the bankruptcy and the pending sale.

The swear bouquet flowed something like this and I have to give that disclaimer because I got so worked up I just started shotgun swear mode. By the way if some of these seem inappropriate for a business environment then they worked. One of the principals is from a nondrinking, swearing, or anything fun religious sect but apparently insulting a coworker’s intelligence and commitment was chiseled further down the tablets than my book shows.  Anyway, I just put myself on pause and tried to figure out how I can write this without giving things away and I cant figure it out. So what I will do is write down most of the phrases and you can make up whatever conversation you want around this framework of filth.

  • cock gobbling ass napkin
  • skid-mark cologne
  • baby-batter bath
  • goatsee
    Do yourself a favor and if you don’t know what that last one is just walk away. Don’t look it up and DO NOT click the Google images tab after searching. I was ashamed of myself the second I said it but luckily was not asked to explain. There was a time not too long ago when a couple of friends who shall remain nameless and I had an ongoing Lower-the-Bar competition. Goatsee pictures were what finally took said same bar below the known surface thus ending the game. I wish I could scrub it from my memory but much like the donkey show I unfortunately witnessed as a Freshman in college on Spring Break it is indelibly etched on my brain. And frankly I wonder  how things like that have shaped the person I am today. I cant stand to have Law and Order SVU playing within earshot because I cant escape the feeling that the show somehow wears away at a vital part of me but when pressed I can verbally cut well past the quick and saw directly into bone. This is where being your own shrink gets confusing.

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