some soul searching and other nonsense

I have been digging around in the empty parts of my brain trying to figure out where I put that life plan and then I remembered that I never really made on. Every time I think I get a decent one going something comes along to muck things up and the direction completely changes. I envy people who pick a life track at an early age and stick it out to the end. I wish that was me but until now it hasn’t been. This is all brought to you by a conversation I had today with a thirty year veteran of my current career. The one thing I took away from two hours of wisdom was that I do not want to look back at my life, at any point, and be that guy.

When I asked if he ever wanted more instead of directly answering I was redirected to three of his good friends who had all taken the same dead end road in life and “they were doing pretty good weren’t they?” I answered the affirmative but in my head a complete pity parade was forming. Now don’t take this wrong and they all seem to be happy in their own ways but there’s something unsettling about a life of just getting by and surviving in an industry. That’s when I realized that I don’t want to end up on the other end of the conversation I just had.

I want to do something I can get excited about, maybe something that is worth getting out of bed for every morning. So I started working on just that today. I’m going to attack this little problem from multiple fronts. I’m looking for another job but I cant in good conscience not give my current employer my best effort. My search will be after hours or whenever it doesn’t take away from the performance of my current duties. I’m also looking into taking a writing class. If nothing else it might help me polish this turd up a bit. I’ll keep you posted but I need to get some things headed in a direction that feels better.

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