My Strange Addiction

is my absolutely fabulous addiction. As president Obama drones on about the tragedy in Tucson I find myself watching a girl explain to her family that eating laundry detergent calms her down. Awesome. They keep showing her licking it off of her hands. She really likes eating the soap. The girls tell me that there was a woman on the commercial addicted to eating Comet and her teeth all need to come out. I’m pissed that she’s not on this show but the soap eater is fantastic. You see, some good has come from the tragic shooting as I now have a new show to record. Like a rainbow after a storm.

The other guy on this show is addicted to strongman competition. Big deal. I really like beer, all kinds of food, Diet Coke, and watching bad TV but none of those qualify me for a TV show unless I decide to try for some kind of record. Then you get famous after all you can comfortably wear is a muumuu you go on one of those Loser shows after they forklift you out of your front bay window. I don’t know where I’m going with this but the shows about to switch to a girl that eats her own hair. She is paired up with a girl addicted to shoes. I see what’s going on here. They only have a handful of freaks that eat weird stuff so they show a strong freak with a weak one.  At this point I’ll take whatever they give me.

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