As I sit here waiting for the heavens to open up and dump the most snow at once since 1967 on Chicagoland I cant help but wonder… nope, nothing. I don’t really care. The only thing I know is that weathermen from that era would sock the current crop square in the kisser for uttering phrases like Stormageddon. What’s next Snowgelina? I really hate the news. I miss my third tear local news in Tucson. I’d bet they would roll out  something like Oh-Snow-You-Don’t!

Next up alternative lifestyle couples can have some kind of union in our state and our latest governor just compared it to some of President Lincoln’s finest work. It’s not even full legal marriage which is complete bullshit. Who cares? And my church has some ancient stern words about the whole situation. great. Again, we have way too much time on our hands in this country. How dare someone who has already been dealt a cruel twist of hormonal fate try to be happy. It’s protest time.

And speaking of protests (all hail the return of the fallen segue king) Egypt’s government got so scared of its young people that it shut off the internet. That is the only thing that would drive our entire country of young people out of their homes. There would be some internet addicts staggering around waiting for their eyes to adjust to sunlight and their mail order boner pill priapism to go down but once they realized that the World of Warcraft or whichever XBox or PSP world they escape into is down due to the government someone is going to pay.

And speaking of pay… anyone else notice gas prices go up with the news of the current troubles near the black gold zone? That’s fair. And the final story I just heard in the background was that the Chilean Miners got to go to Disney world. Who cares that the trip was equivalent to ten years wages for each one of them. Thanks for being trapped underground for so long and now how about a taste of a life that you could never imagine. Now get back in the hole and get me some more lead or whatever you were grubbing around for.

That’s stupidtom news for this evening, goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow.

I need to get back to taping straws together so my family can breathe through the gigantic snow drift that is destined to engulf our palace.

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