This weeks question obviously comes from someone who was completely out of the path of the massive storm this week. They asked:
“Hey Stupidtom, why don’t you post more pictures and write more about the snow? You must be buried.”
Dear Curious, I didn’t drone on about the snow because I live where I live and snow is part of the deal. Its what keeps all of those small armored poisonous things at bay and I like it that way. And if I live long enough to see the full effect of global warming I’ll be positioned quite nicely next to one of the largest fresh water sources on the planet. Don’t get me wrong, that storm was a doozy. But I didn’t have to activate my plan to head over to a warming shelter and organize the disenfranchised into a mob which would allow me to benefit from the preplanning of others. I’ve always said I’d like to be on the side of the zombies in an all out apocalypse and natural disasters fall under that same heading.
The key to a good siege is numbers. The more people that surround and enter at once the faster you will use up the target’s ammunition. Speed is the key to gaining resources. Cutting them off from the rest of the world takes time and guards. By the time you get them out they have plowed through almost everything you wanted in the first place. Plus, if you outfit your hoard correctly the losses will be acceptable. I say this because I will not be anywhere near the first or second wave which I affectionately call the Crackhead Brigade. These individuals will be convinced that every house is a thriving drug den and they will be allowed to consume any drugs they find. By the time they figure out that it is a WMD situation they will either be dead, gravely wounded, or completely incapacitated by withdrawal. Tier two teams with be on constant lookout for “recruits”.
The use of the severely addicted will also give me some real world zombie command practice. Commands must be short, easy to follow, and promise something they want more than their own miserable existence. And while I’m on the addicted one of my favorites, Andy Dick, had a quote on the Howard Stern show a week ago that cracked me up only because it made so much sense. He was talking about his latest blasted indiscretion at the Adult Video News Awards (Porn Oscars) and he was bitching about everyone attacking him and yelling at him to quit drinking. I don’t have the exact quote but he was shouting that it (alcoholism) was an effing disease just like cancer and you don’t go around screaming at them to just quit it with all the cancer!
Now that I typed that it would have been a lot funnier with the complete quote. sorry. Wasn’t I talking about the snow?