Your spouse and or significant other: “Hey, let’s get a new puppy (said with a grin and an attitude that this is a cancer curing notion)”
You: Or (you need to really stretch this out and use the tone in your voice to convey that you are thinking up a much better idea. oooor…) you could just give me the money, I’ll go out and buy a bunch of energy drinks and movies to screw up our sleep. Then while you’re away I will randomly fuck stuff up around the house and pee whenever the mood strikes. This way I will have enough money left over to buy myself something cool and we can conduct ourselves as normal except for the sleep deprivation and incontinence.
But is it really incontinence if I’m taking the time to unzip and flip? That feels like a judgement call I’m not ready to make. If you can’t tell I’m having a riot with the new addition to the pack. Looks like this weeks one night trip to the middle of the state might turn into a 2 night sleep away. Then Friday I need to get up to the lake to get the pig in the water so I might have to stay there that evening… If absence makes the heart grow fonder I am going to be one loved SOB before this puppy gets properly trained.
It’s like that Cats in the Cradle song if the mother had driven the father out of the house by acquiring a pack of animals and the kid just thought he was a dick for being on the road all the time. NOTE TO SELF: Don’t let this become a self-fulfilling prophecy type of post except for the unruly herd of animals part because such is your life at this time.