Football Fridays

I love few things more than Friday Night Lights. High School football rules for a number of reasons I won’t bore you with here but part of what I love is cracking wise with my friends. I hang out with a humorous crowd and football games are one of our strong suits. Every once in a while we have to be careful because you never know who might be around but most of our shots are generically cracking wise about whatever might cross our paths including each other. Just good fun until someone tries to wedge themselves into the banter.

I’m not sure wedge is the word I’m looking for. Cram, stuff, crash, barge, I hope you get the point. It’s like a symphony is playing and someone is aggressively attempting to make their harmonica heard in-between notes. It just hurts the ears and makes everyone uncomfortable.

Now I’m not saying we are playing to perfection like a symphony because that would be an untruth. Some of the funniest moments come when one of us floats something out there that fails miserably and everyone else begins the merciless attack on the offender. I’ve been on the receiving end of that quite a bit and you just have to strap in and ride it out. But I’m drifting off course.

This past Friday night became so bad that I had to remove myself from the fun. We had a square peg show up that just wouldn’t quit. Awkward to begin with he doesn’t really know what to say at a football game so he chose the tactic of repeating things that someone else said, just a couple minutes later. To make it worse he really needs positive feedback from people so after he repeats someone else’s funny he moves toward and looks straight into their faces trying to gauge reaction or something creepy like that.

As if his victims are too stupid to understand he fake chuckles so they get the hint. Just shy of saying “DID YOU HEAR ME JUST THEN? I AM FUNNY.” Nails on a mutha-effin chalk board. Chewing tinfoil with silver fillings. Name your annoyance, this is right up there. Plus the game wasn’t going our way so I was already cranked up a notch above normal. I’ll sum up to say that I had to remove myself from the situation.

I write this now in an attempt to stop myself from thinking up all of the ways to verbally abuse this idiot if it happens again. I’m pretty quick on my feet but give me time to prepare and things get real. I had a beer or two yesterday and convinced myself that one good solid blitzkrieg would silence him for the rest of the season. I was cutting pretty deep and cracking myself up with the severity when the truly good person in my house saw me chuckling and asked what was funny. I told her and the ensuing expression of distaste took the fun out of that plan fast.

I asked for some props for removing myself from a potentially ugly situation but there were none to be had. Oh well. I’ll figure something out. Or I wont and I will deliver a soliloquy of abuse that will frighten some and delight others.

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