Thanxday

I love today because it means I can sit on my fat ass and do whatever I want. We have a loose tradition of setting up the Christmas tree today but there is no deadline and no rush. My two biggest challenges so far were getting the boy to wrestling practice and delivering record breaking garbage loads to the curb. The garbage was not just Thanksgiving by the way. When I am out of town there is definitely a work slow down around this place. Not a complete stoppage but things that are generally considered my responsibility just don’t get done.

I’m happy that there wasn’t an a-hole with a camera filming me jumping up and down in the big can this morning. I am the human trash compactor but it isn’t pretty. As things break under my feet balance is constantly shifting and I almost went down more than once. And I audibly cursed my brother as I slipped on some garbage he brought me.

You see my beloved younger sibling is one of my favorite kinds of asshole. He and I have things that crack only the two of us up and one of them is to bring each other useless shite whenever we get together. My Thanksgiving bag included a giant Costco sized plastic tub of cashews that might have had a dozen left inside if you could reassemble all of the pieces. So as I was attempting to crush the thing underfoot and I slipped, almost dumping me and the can all over the yard, I laughed again. This is a game of strategy and he is hosting Christmas.  Thinking cap engaged.

And while I’m talking about him I thought my beard was getting pretty awesome. This no shave November donate to charity thing has me thinking I want to go full Olde Timey facial hair for my upcoming 50th birthday. I thought I had the holiday weird facial hair thing locked but no. His crazy ass facial hair would make a hobo look away in shame. The neck hair alone made me itch just looking at it but then when he stretched it out to show me the overall length I had to bow to its awesomeness.

I do so love the holidays.

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