I needed to head to the at&t flagship store near my house last night to get my mom a phone. Dad is already on our plan and it was time to add mom as well for Christmas. We knew exactly what we wanted and it should have been an in and out transaction but the system at this store drives me crazy. Alas, someone I pay for a service wasting my time is not the point of this piece.

My parents are Amazon people. They are Prime members and each have a Kindle. My Dad can search the thing like a savant so when he refused to get a smartphone of any kind (opting instead to have anyone who wanted to text him to send it to my mom for interpretation) I knew I had only one shot at getting him to leave his flip and that was the Amazon phone. When you go to buy one of these people treat you like your trying to buy a ticket on the short bus.

I’m not sure what it is. Maybe because it’s not the republican or democrat of phone types and they all line up into one of those camps. These devices are treated like the Green Party phone. Oh,… you want on of Those… It bothers me because these morons should just shut up and sell me what I want. I would have given the guy a little shit but Mom does not approve of full on stupidtom. OK its not an Apple phone but my parents are not nor ever will be ready to immerse themselves into that universe. And it’s not really Android as far as the Google heads are concerned. So they all look down on it because they can.

They can also F*CK OFF because these little beauties come with a little bit of magic called the Mayday Button. My parents just push the thing and a tiny live person pops up on their screen ready to help. They will walk them through how to what they are asking or take control of the phone and do it for them if they wish. I especially love this feature because it cuts down calls to their other tech support department. ME

The guy that helped ended up being very nice but he couldn’t get her pictures to transfer from her 1st generation windows phone. (the only smartphone that gets more shit than the fire. I was not involved in that tragic decision. A nice young man at T-Mobile probably got a huge spiff for moving one) If Dad or the magic button can’t figure it out I’ll take care of it Christmas morning. Anyway, what should have taken 45 minutes tops was double that and I can’t help but leave that place thinking there has got to be a better way.

I can’t put my finger on it but something big is going to change as it always does I hope these big companies take it square in the nuts. Everything about personal communication devices is so hard. There is no reason for it. The first company with truly great speed, reliability, and no hidden or extra fees is going to win. I just hope I’m around to complain about what an asspain phones used to be.

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