I was growing some awesome facial hair for my upcoming 50th birthday. The no shave November thing started it off (which I still don’t fully understand by the way but that’s for another time) and once December hit I was cracking myself up every morning when I looked in the mirror so it was staying. (I really need to cut down on these thought bubbles because that sentence was atrocious.) I should have realized that this relationship wasn’t going to work out when I was shopping for mustache wax on the line. Instead my broken brain romanticized the ass-pain and ordered the wax and a tiny comb.

I should let you know that the reason I don’t fully shave is pure lazy necessity. If I were to shave clean in the morning, by early afternoon I would have a weird blue looking Fu Manchu thing going on. This could be taken care of by an inconvenient afternoon touch-up shave but aint nobody got time fo dat. So I grow a once a week mowed facial lawn around my mouth. I used to have a full beard but once the hair went away the beard to nowhere cracked me up but came with its own problems.

I took this selfie to send to my eldest child and asked what she thought of my new look. I knew I was going to take the thing out because it was getting annoying. The night before when I was having sleep troubles I swore that the beard woke me up at least once.

The crazy looking away thing was for dramatic effect (again eff off if that was incorrect) and I think it worked splendidly.
Take a gander at homeless stupidtom in all of his crazy glory. There will be some stubble on my face and head as shaving will become a luxury but you get the idea.
Here is things have gone horribly wrong biker gang tom. Facial flair designed to scare. (crap, there is that rhyming thing again)
If I ever decided to shave the blue lines I think I might leave this dandy looking soup strainer up for personal entertainment purposes.
And finally back to as normal as I get. a side note while I’m staring at my cringe worthy mug. After 25 years of marriage my wife just realized that my nose is tragically curved. I was trying on glasses and the ones with full dark frames make the hook look hilarious but nothing I can rock if I wish to be taken seriously.


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