I have a heightened sense of douchery. My definition of douche or douchebag for that matter follows the North American Informal Slang version

do͞oSH Noun an obnoxious or contemptible person, typically a man. “that guy is such a douche”

and it should be said out loud with inflection as to enhance meaning. Someone acting like the aforementioned grates at me and I especially abhor the behavior when I see it in myself. I write this as I am roughly a week away from my 50th birthday and this has triggered some reflective thinking. Maybe you could already tell from my all over the road writing as of late…
nope, never mind, always that way.

This piggybacks on the post from yesterday that was loosely based on things. I am constantly reading about – looking at – and in the market for – things. Not that I am much different from a lot of Americans lucky enough to be born where and who I am but there is a part of me that wants to curb that behavior. I needed to let you know where at least some of that thinking comes from.

A while ago my dad discovered a website that contained newspaper pictures of his grandparents. This would make them my great grandparents and I was lucky enough to know them both. Here is the picture that I stole from that site

The story that goes along with that shot is about them getting kicked off of their 3rd straight farm in 3 years. They rented and worked the land but as the Great Depression picked up steam things got predictably harder for the land owners as well as the hard working people like my great grandparents. When I look at those two in that picture knowing what the story is about I don’t see a lot of woe is me. In fact I see two people who are just going to figure it out and keep pushing forward.
I’m not sure if I could measure up to the things they endured. They raised my grandfather and his mentally retarded (look, I’m not sure if that’s the PC name anymore but when I asked Grandma Great what was wrong with Aunt Marilyn after she hit me with a stern NOTHING those were the words she used so I’m sticking with them) sister. And by the way they nailed it. Aunt Marilyn ruled in a time where folks weren’t always so nice about different especially in small towns.
So thoughts of this generation motivate my inner douche sensor. Whenever I start down a path wondering why someone else has something I want or dreaming of a better ___ (that’s supposed to be a blank that you fill in with house, car, whatever you want) my alarm goes off and I try to check myself. Doesn’t always work but its always there.
I think I’m supposed to be going through some kind of crisis to celebrate my fiftieth year on the planet and maybe this is it. But I wont be buying myself a new car anytime soon or hunting down an expensive trinket. The only thing on my mind right now is turning the old garage into my office so I can stop sharing space with my son. I need to stop whining about it and start working on it or else
the dude who graduated from a team of mules to this fine machine might rise up out of his grave to slap me for being soft. Or worse yet, a fifty year old douche.


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