bubble bubble toil and trouble

I love having a party but I hate the next day. Cleaning up sucks but when you pile on a hangover things get extremely bumpy. I try to get a jump on things the night before Luckily my Aunts called at 2:00am to taunt me about my age so I walked around cleaning while talking to their drunk asses. The one mission that was accomplished before I went to bed was the source of the faint vomit smell was discovered. It seems that someone had a mouthful they were unwilling to re-swallow so it was unloaded into the trash can. (A classy birthday party for classy folks) The real pisser of this move is that the toilet is six inches from this receptacle. So after the bio-hazard disposal I filled the can with foaming disinfectant and headed to bed.

This morning can best be described as fits and starts. I clean, straighten, and put-away until a wave of tired and or nausea overtakes me. Rest a while and then back at it. Wash, rinse, repeat. I think I’m 5 hours in and have probably done a normal hour and a half’s work. It turns out that gagging is a productivity killer. Who knew? In other news I think I feel an ab forming from all of the dry heaves.

And speaking of nonproductive full body retching, smokers earn every bit of grief they take for their habit. I spent the last half hour freezing my ass off sweeping up ashes and cigarette butts from the floor of my garage. The door to which now sits open as well as the windows to my eldest child’s car because everything in there smells like an ashtray. I have never smoked but I was raised by a human smoke stack and there was a time when I chewed tobacco. The difference is that I never picked a section of a party to spit in or on. Nor did I ever leave a container for someone else to clean. I know what its like to find an abandoned chew cup but its no worse that bottles and cans with beer and floating butts. uurrrpppp

Plus that f*cking horrible cigarette smoke smell gets into everything. Holy shitsticks I am dry heaving as I type. Admittedly this has more than a little to do with some questionable decisions regarding shot consumption but still. This is not a shot at any one of my smoking friends as they are usually pretty tidy. For some reason the garage was not up to usual standards and I am paying a large price right now. I just sprayed a bunch of some crap called Natures Miracle that I think is for pet piss or some other unpleasantness so time will tell.

In spite of my horrendous start to this new year I had a great birthday. The party was fun and filled with good people. I got a lot of great gifts that made me uncomfortable and the house was filled with humiliating pictures from my past. In fact child number two told me that I was getting a peek at my wake boards (the pictures that are put up all over before your funeral not some kind of decoupaged water ski type thing) very funny.

I feel like ten dollars again so I will make a run at carrying out the consolidated cooler and dumping the empties into the yard. Then I might try lighting myself on fire to raise my core temperature a couple degrees. I am currently wearing 2 hoodies and a winter coat to no avail. I think my body is being a little spiteful at this point in time.

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