Enough with the eye already

Let’s talk some more about things. I probably have more “things” than most as I am a classic over-thinker. I can’t help but look at almost everything from another point of view and lacking one of those I will make stuff up. But some of these things become hard and fast rules in my head. Take travel as an example.

Flying right now sucks. Airlines over sell most flights and charge you extra whenever possible. They don’t understand that if they waived the check bag charge and just included a lower average increase on every ticket they could save themselves a lot of trouble on each flight and make more money. The $25 is so oppressive to some people that they will over-stuff a carry-on bag to the point that it cant be crammed into the bin. And if you have been on a plane lately you know that the loading time just before takeoff has some palpable anxiety.

Folks pulling their trolley behind them down the isle with another bag slung over the shoulder looking up into the bins for any sign of free space. And the stated rule if you find none is to wait until everyone else sits down and then walk your bag back to the front so the stewardesses can do what you should have in the first place.

People boarding the flight after the first two groups have almost no shot at overhead bin space. So most of them are given the option to gate check their bags. This is free and only adds a couple minutes if any time at all to their trip. Those bags are loaded last and unloaded first right in the gangway as you exit. Sure sometimes there is a slight delay but if your trip is down to minutes then you did some piss poor travel planning.

I pay to check a bag. I usually have to go that way anyway as the airport designers wisely placed the ground transportation next to the baggage claim. My average wait time is five minutes at most airports but it has been as long as fifteen. No big deal, I’ve got plenty of time. In fact I usually find a bathroom and then grab another drink for the ride. Like magic my bag appears and I’m on my way.

The other reason I do this is so my constant leather travel companion can ride up in the bin. He’s not as big as a rolling carry-on but when you are six foot four that under seat in front of you real estate is precious. My weak status allows me to board at least second so I almost always find room. Friday night I was comfortably in my seat when a woman who boarded fifth started a ruckus.

She had pulled my bag out so everyone could see what she was talking about while she demanded to know whose bag it was. She said that she would keep that under the seat in front of her for the ride as if stating that out loud granted her permission.  NO said I and she just stared at me so I continued in a stern even tone. “my bag is going to stay right where it is and you will stop touching it.” The dude next to me shifted uncomfortably but I was all good.

She started to protest and look around for support but the other passengers were pretending her voice was inaudible. I just kept staring at her until she tucked it back in and glared at me. She even tried to protest to the crew but they just took her bag to the gate check. She sat in front of me and tried to burn me with an exaggerated can you believe that? to the guy next to her but it didn’t work. My legs were completely stretched out and I was asleep before they finished pressurizing the cabin.

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