Do you ever get that feeling that you are up to your neck and the water is rising? This is the point at which I currently find myself. There is nowhere I can turn that isn’t filled with demands. Maybe water is the wrong mind picture. Drowning is said to be ultimately peaceful. I think I meant to say quicksand because there is nothing peaceful about a deep breath of colloid hydrogel. Lungs packed with liquid sand and clay are right up there on the big list of no thanks.
This pressure is both real and artificial but knowing about the stuff I’m putting on myself doesn’t make it go away. I am having that stuck on a treadmill feeling with work for the first time since I started this job and I remember what it feels like to no longer be gruntled. This is probably in part due to things going on around me at home as well but the focus and the reason my brain wont shut off is definitely work.
I have so much to do that anything or anyone getting in the way of that is an annoyance. Petty requests about nonsense immediately burrow deep under my skin but the nature of my job dictates that every problem gets treated like the most important thing that has ever presented itself. It is exhausting.
Now add in a rash of my current verbal foibles and you have a recipe for disaster. If you say the words “needless to say…” my mind automatically thinks THEN DON’T. I am plagued by words that the mutterer knows they do not have to add in to the conversation. I am baffled and this week I have spoken to more on a percentage basis than ever before.
Also if you say the words “you know what I’m sayin?” my brain flips out. YES I UNDERSTAND YOU! WE ARE SPEAKING ENGLISH AND IF I HAVE ANY QUESTIONS I WILL POSE THEM IN THE SAME LANGUAGE WHEN MY NEXT TURN TO SPEAK ROLLS AROUND. You know what I’m sayin? I have a burning urge to answer that every time. “Yes, I understand completely.” or “No, could you elaborate?” holy crapcakes.
Add in this ridiculously names super storm that is hitting the east coast right now and I can’t hang up the phone and take a breath before it rings again. I am just two days in to this week and I want nothing more than a nap. I’m only writing this as I wait for some people to call me from the other coast. I keep hearing that music from the old Ed Sullivan Show clip where the dude’s talent is spinning plates. I need to find that…