First, a four hour indoor track meet where your child throws three times in the first fifteen minutes and you have to wait around for the parent meeting at the end is just wrong. (not to mention that it made me write that horrendously long sentence) This was a four team meet and there was no way I could sit on a metal bleacher for that long it felt like I was always in the way. Now some of you might be ready to tell me about your swim meets where you attempt to time scream encouragement while your child’s ear is out of the water. Or maybe you poor cross country parents want to cry about your kid running off into the woods or a field and only showing up at the end… Stifle yourself. This is all about me and my personal whining.
Second, I want to start interviewing random drivers. Maybe some kind of identifier where I could send a couple questions anonymously. I need to know how someone is confounded by weather. This morning was cold and sunny as a mutha. I drove behind a gal (I do so love that weird word) that had no solar protection for their eyes and skipped the part about the visor during their vehicle orientation. She kept randomly slamming on the brakes, I think as her retinas heated up placing large solid looking shapes in her path. It was infuriating and I hope the first time she had EVER driven east during a sunrise. Hours later I still want to know what was happening, thus the need for some kind of interview system.
Thirdly, (I just typed that and it clanked in my brain. Possibly a non-word or incorrect usage but what’s done is done) if I am a member of your rewards club stop giving me a printed receipt. I’ve already granted you permission to track my every purchase so stop handing me the annoying hunk of creepy feeling paper. If I need to return something I expect your system to know all of my purchase details. And while were talking here tell your people to buckle up if they give me eye attitude when I ask them to just throw it out before they hand it to me. I have something to say about anything that might leave their mouth as you might have guessed.
Finally, internet. Stop trying to tell me what I should care about… I’ve already ditched local news for that very same behavior. There is some dress that is causing a color controversy clogging up my news feeds. Really? A DRESS AND ITS COLOR? Holy shitsticks has everything else been fixed? All the worlds problems cured whilst I slept. I barely care about the color of the things I wear and now I’m supposed to waste time thinking about this nonsense. I know you need filler, mention it once and let those of us who aren’t interested move on.
OK I feel better now.