Beer hipsters, you’re wrecking it

*I am slammed so this is a repost from a place I used to write. If you’ve read it before… at least its short.

Minding my own business in a bar far from home compels me to write this down.

Attention all craft brewed beer aficionados please shut up and mind your own beersiness when you’re out amongst the regular folks. I already hate the fact that you are trying to turn my beloved relaxin liquid into something as annoying as wine. I don’t want to have to go to school to order a beer. It’s just a beer. You drink what you want and I’ll do the same.

The problem arises when I order my Coors Light within your pierced earshot and you look sideways at me or snicker. I know it’s flavored water but I never asked for your opinion. With that in mind it’s riveting as you prattle on about the great beers of Europe and your craft brewspertise loud enough for the entire bar to hear.

I like a nice Diet Coors and I’m not hiding that fact from anyone. I also don’t comment on anyone else’s drink unless they fire the first snark.
You go ahead and enjoy your One Eyed Pirate Pube Ale and leave me be. I don’t want to hear about the “hoppy note” your tasting or the star anus used to brew the stuff.

When you finish your douchertation on Porters versus Stouts I’ll be over at the bar ordering another “tasteless and too cold American”. Oh, and if you think this is too cold you would hate my favorite draft beer place Twin Peaks. That beautiful brew has a cold cloud inside.

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