one fish two fish

hey f*ck you fish…

It would seem that a certain popular television commercial has inspired some road warrior fathers to emulate the video bedtime story. What the commercial doesn’t tell you is the noise levels in the airport usually mean that you have to kind of shout the story if you want to be heard. That makes Dr. Seuss kind of scary and the passengers around you start plotting some mob violence. Apropos considering we were all watching the good people of Baltimore lose their collective minds on the airport tv. Unlike the police in that city I would come out with an immediate statement as to the exact cause of death. “After yell rhyming behind my head for twenty minutes I reached my breaking point. Once I smashed his iPad there was no turning back.”

I will not be making any more of those single night fly in and fly back out trips any time soon. Flight delays got me in at 1:30am with morning meeting seeming to immediately follow. I was dragging all yesterday into the evening as I waited for my flight home. The dude behind me in the United club had a strong thing for scantily clad fitness women. I know this because every time I came back to my seat from the bar or the bathroom he was scrolling through pictures of said same. At one point he caught me looking and quickly hit me with a well practiced excuse: “I’m looking up some new exercises…”

Dude, I’m not your wife and I don’t really care what you look at on your laptop. Your company might care but I don’t work with you either. For the record though, your excuse sucked. All of the pictures are of muscular females and not one video that I have seen in the last hour and a half. You need to find a seat with its back to the wall.

He wasn’t too happy but he did eventually move. I would have had more respect if he would have just looked me in the eyes and said something like “muscle chicks, am I right?” Big creepy grin and throw in a constant vigorous nod for good measure. nope, I get the weak ass lie for no reason. Also in the world of things I have spied on devices this was a relative Disney production. I don’t really understand the random need to look at things that flip your switch in public places especially in this age of entertainment everywhere. Holy crap – read something, listen to something, watch something, other than the things that make you feel like you have to bullsh*t a complete stranger.

Anyhow, teacher in my kids school which also happens to be my alma mater did the same thing but a touch worse. names are unimportant but the subject was a teacher and coach while I was there now retired. So he was substituting for his wife (second, younger flight of kids as well) and after giving out the assignment he got a little bored. so he searched “big tit cheerleader” forgetting that he was screen casting his iPad to the wall above his head.

After ten minutes of poking around the results he became annoyed that the whole class seemed to have the giggles. He looked up (son’s buddy in class) annoyed at the chatter and commotion and noticed that they were looking over his head. He turned around to see what they were looking at and immediately turned bright red. Ripped the cables out of the device and didn’t say a word for the rest of the period.

The kids in the class had been blowing up social media (I have a video and a couple pics not for redistribution) so sometime in the next period he was escorted from the building never to sub again. The next day his wife retold the version that I’m sure he gave her when he got home. Something about him trying to look up the school’s cheer leading program and a bad search result confusing everyone. A glitch if you will being blown out of proportion. I’m sure she will get the real story at some point.

I was more upset by the horribly worded search string than the idiotic act. The human brain is a fascinating hunk of flesh.

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