Hi, I’d like to speak with you about your ice…

I know I have a problem with pop. Diet Coke specifically. There is something about that noxious mix of water, chemicals, and carbonation that I just cant resist. And before you ask YES, COKE ONLY. Those other brands just don’t taste right and I’ll thank you to keep your Pepsi loving opinions to yourself. If you are further down the “food chain” than that I am sorry you have come upon hard times. Hopefully things will turn around soon and you can jump back on the brand wagon. But I digress, this is supposed to be about ice.

I went to my local Speedway this morning for a vat of pop. Speedway is a gas station for those who don’t have them in their area. Just substitute the name of wherever you buy your liquid refreshment to follow along. The only qualifier is there has to be an ice maker located directly above the fountain. If you don’t see said same, leave. There is to much potential for disaster with the ice hopper filled by a disgruntled employee in the middle of the night.

Anyway, I don’t get there as much as I used to because I travel more and when I’m not away I work from home. So this morning I was shocked to discover that they had changed the settings on the ice machine to deliver some strange irregular chunks. I should have mentioned earlier that I preferr my liquid poison over ice. A lot of ice. Some might say its more like a Diet Coke snow cone and I cant disagree. So the type of ice matters. Number one is crunch ice. If you have access to this ice ambrosia count yourself lucky. I have to settle for uniform cubes with a divot in one of the six sides due to proximity.

Not the best ice but it fills the cup nicely and only has one other flaw (the first being its not crunch ice) If you fill it to the top and one of those craters is facing the fountain you risk an arc of pop cascading over your hand and wrist. It will only happen once before you begin to check trust me. So this morning I place my plastic dunk tank under the chute and giant irregular chunks begin to fall. I thought maybe there was a freeze thaw incident so I tried the other side and got the same unsatisfactory result.

I was on the clock and had to get back for an early call so I filled the cup with the abomination and tried to mitigate the damage by swirling the DC around as it filled. It didnt help. In fact it bothered me so much that once it was my turn to pay I felt the need to speak up. “Hi, I’d like to speak with you about your ice” I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth. The dude who was handling the morning rush had no time for the big idiot with the ice fetish. He looked at me like I had to heads but he unintentionally delivered a greeat shot. He looked at the cup and then up at me and asked “Did you use it all?”

Well played sir. Obviously you are the wrong man to see about detrimental changes to your business.

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