I am not well known for suffering fools. In point of fact I might have a personal problem with said same. And I’m not talking about simpletons or the genetically impaired but fully functioning capable idiots. Maybe idiot is the wrong word as the truly dumb can be forgiven. The people of which I speak are more than capable they just chose to perform at a constant low level.
It might seem like I am climbing up on a soap box right about now but rest assured I have been enthroned atop this pyramid of boxes all day. There are two currently on my radar and I need to be careful as I do so love this job. One is the direct reason I’m writing this and the reason the language sounds different than my norm. She uses big words to obfuscate her ignorance and completely closed mind.
I battle this tactic by pretending to be a recent arrival to the English language. Every time she dips past two syllables I ask her what the word means. The best is when she’s not really sure but makes a run at the definition anyway. I type it in to the magic word looker upper and then read her the real definition in a slow and halting manner as if the concept were just beginning to soak into my brain.
I concluded my call today with a rare first time phrase utterance “Maybe you are just too intelligent to implement the suggested improvements that others utilize with phenomenal results.” Since those were my parting words I hung up the phone. Hopefully this completely confused her like an ape just done slinging some poop suddenly reciting poetry. I really want to ask if she’s so smart then how does she find herself in need of MY assistance but I cant. Help is what I’m paid to do even if it hurts.
The second is someone who is supposed to help me. I’m going to really get cryptic here but to say if you NEVER know an answer off the top of your head at work, you might be in the wrong field. I am perfectly capable of working the Google. I called you to help me beyond what I could do on my own. Holy shitsticks I hate me some slackers and this person is elevating the fake work game to a whole new level.
My inner monologue sounds something like this the entire time I’m on the phone with this person “say you’ll get back to me, I dare you… what the fuck DO you know?! I hear you typing… your looking up the answer… so am I and if it matches I will call you out.. I am not your boss but you’re fired… fire yourself already… quit damn you… quit quit quit quit” Yup, I’ve got some stuff to work through.