I’m surrounded

This is the time of year when everyone is experimenting with life changes. Mostly related to health and weight. I am all for you turning yourself into whatever makes you happy but the one thing I know is that we all die. Go ahead and think the big speech about quality of life and whatever you need to tell yourself I’ve seen that extra 20 years your giving yourself and it doesn’t look super fun. Again, I am all for you being happy just don’t act like whatever you are doing makes you better than anyone else.

I was talking to someone today, just a casual business acquaintance, who has hopped aboard some new diet trend. As we spoke she told me that she was preparing for her first 10K. I made some lame joke about driving six and a half miles all the time and instead of giving me the transitional courtesy laugh she went right to asking me about my lifestyle.

The operative word earlier was work which is code for never act like the real me. I had to gently parry her inquisition and make vague promises to look into her obsessive eating regime. I really wanted to ask her why a recent behavioral change made her feel superior to someone she knows nothing about. I know what to do to lose weight. Stop eating and drinking like shit and move my fat ass. Variations on a theme.

There has been quite a bit going on in my life as of late and I find myself comforted by good food and beer. Probably something to be worked out on a couch but aint got time fo dat. This  is as close to psychiatric care as I’m coming until the complete snap that has always lurked just behind my eyes. Some of the pressure that has piled up has me feeling cornered. I am attempting to think my way out but some of this might require some major life changes.

Anyway, Then comes another phone call where a guy now wants me to try his New Years Miracle. He was telling me how he didn’t sacrifice anything eating vegetables and drinking sparkling water during the Superbowl. Luckily he is my friend so when I didn’t answer and he asked if I was still there he didn’t get too offended when I answered “I’m sorry, the mere description of your party almost bored me catatonic.”

Look, I wish you all the best of health and hope you end up the exact shape you want to be whatever that is. I will remind you that round is a shape and happy is a relative term. As a wise man never said “Looking down your nose at someone is a great way to see the fist as it hits.”

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