Happy Valentimes

I absolutely love when people mispronounce anything and I think that fascination began when I was a kid on this very holiday. I really didn’t understand why certain classmates insisted on calling it valenTIMES when that was clearly wrong. Instead of correcting however I began a life long love of fanning the flames of ignorance. Sometimes you have to shout down a potential correcter or even argue the incorrect point to keep the mispronouncer (I know its not a word but if that one bugs you then buckle up) on the same path but its all worth it.

One of my closest friends in the world still says the word “fustrated” and I will throat punch you if I catch you correcting him. I have been protecting and cultivating that particular nugget for more than forty years and there is no good reason for it to change. These little things bring me joy and I will not have you wreck them with your insane quest for perfection.

Plus, the only reason you do that is to make yourself feel superior even for a brief second. Cut it out. And who says their way of pronouncing the word might not turn out to be correct at some point? If time travel ever turns into a thing ask the 1600’s version of you where they stand on the word flaccid. I’d bet changing the pronunciation from the original flak-sid caused some trouble at Ye Olde Grammatical Stick Up The Arse Club meetings.

Anyway, fair warning to those that I know in real life as the other joy with a misuse or mispronunciation is discovering someone that it drives nuts. There is a stickler at work who corrected the third different coworker in as many years in front of me and mumbled the words “I shouldn’t have done that” immediately afterwords. He literally has a huge problem with the incorrect overuse of the word literally and I literally challenge myself to overuse the word every time he is within earshot.

The second foible he exposed was a girl that misused touche as a way to appreciate a good joke. Even after he tried explaining it multiple times she persisted. To the point that it ended their relationship. I was told those details as a way to get me to curb my own overuse of the word after any remotely funny thing he said…

…to no avail.

And this third chunk of kryptonite recently revealed is to new to explain here. I haven’t even had a chance to annoy with it yet and it represents a challenge. If I figure out how to successfully weaponize it I will literally followup later. maybe. no promises. touche.

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