This swollen eye deal has my day on tilt but I can still watch me some basketball. I am one eyed packing and it struck me that some of these March Maddness advertisers are driving me away from their products. Case in point; I will never knowingly consume a Shocktop beer. And there is a troubling part of me that would like to snap one of those tap handles off just in case it could ever really crack wise.

Back to one eyed news a friend of mine who shall remain nameless had to get a single contact recently to improve his vision. I am on the record demanding that he acquire a monocle. If I ever had the permanent pirate patch you could bet your balls the other eye would be rocking a circular lens on a chain. Colonel Klink made that look good.

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