Tough week already

I might have mentioned before that I have a little problem with airport public bathrooms. Forget the sheer numbers involved. I have personally witnessed some atrocities that I can’t wipe from my brain. Things like fill force splash down vomiting to loaded diapers landing face down. The smell when allegedly clean really tells the story. Let’s face facts; no one wants to slay the tiny airplane bathrooms if they can help it. The hurried duck walks after landing should serve as warning to all.

I tell you this not to gross you out but to help explain another story. The bathroom situation is one of the many reasons I pay for my airline’s club. The bathrooms are generally cleaner and a little more private than the ones in gen-pop. But my facilities at O’Hare are all getting a facelift so more of us are crammed together during construction. This has led to overcrowding now affecting the lavatories.

Today there was a line for the stalls and in a men’s room that spells trouble. I don’t know how other people sit on a warm seat in someone else’s stench. Luckily I just had some diet Coke to offload. Good lord the noise and smell put me on tilt for the rest of the day. Is like the rules of the bathroom game were all on hold. Dudes were going full force at things normally masked by phantom flushing. As I was washing my hands someone was grunting. I was in the wild west and it disturbed my delicate constitution. I haven’t been right all day.

I need to stop this now as I need to start my club complaint letter. This is where I will suggest that the new selections of soup and other items might contribute to the problem. I am also going to suggest that they are all located in airports so high powered even loud exhaust fans should be standard. I would rather pee in a noisy smell free wine tunnel than the current facilities. And now back to you regularly scheduled internet.

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