I thought these two ladies seated row adjacent were going to throw down on our flight home. One had a foot problem that she claimed required an aisle seat (completely unnecessary justification… you paid for the seat, you picked it, own it.) and the other was a Chinese national on a tour I think with a bunch of other countrymen who had a window seat with no window. The only issue I had with aisle woman was if you sit in that seat you have to be prepared to move. There are two other human beings trapped by your body which means you need to fly accordingly.
Instead this moron had a setup that would make a hard core bingo player jealous. So much crap on her tray and in her lap and open on top of her bag on the floor that it took five agonizing minutes for her to tuck it all away so one of the foreign travelers could pee. So long in fact that the one lady decided to ignore the language barrier and clearly bitch her out suggesting she move the whole menagerie against the wall. (this is where she began bleating about her sore foot or leg problem. it was unclear as I was attempting to understand interpretive Chinese.) Everything got real loud real quick and I began to daydream about choke-holds and tossing little people around in a confined space for the sake of safe air travel.
Anyhow, the steward got things all calmed down but the one passenger threw in a couple of spite trips to the potty. Same drill evey time never learning that she might not need all of that crap scattered everywhere. It was mildly entertaining as my wife was working on homework the entire flight. Then the lady looked to get me on her side as she was outnumbered in her section. I might have explained the rules of sitting where she decided to sit and suggested that next time a window bulkhead seat might be the way to go. Then she could set up her whole deal and not bother anyone. Not really the sympathetic ear she was looking for but I was half paying attention as she was a potential threat in need of neutralization if things got out of hand.
But I really was enjoying the flight. Entertainment way great, I had my phone ready in case I needed evidence as to why I needed to subdue someone, and they brought me a second round of Diet Coke. Life was good. Until the dude behind me forgot about taking turns. I have spoken about this before and the rule of polite society is you wait until the row in front of you is completely vacated or you have express permission to proceed.
Had I been traveling alone I would have talked to him about his lack of basic manners but since I had a civilized travel companion I settled for trapping his own wife behind me. He was gone before he realized she wasn’t on his heel. And not only did I stand up cutting her off but I blocked the way until me and mine gathered all of our stuff and moseyed off at a snails pace. He was at the gate looking annoyed when we walked out so I winked at him.
Self-important wet-fart wouldn’t even make eye contact after that. My bride hates some of my passive aggressive games so I didn’t push. She reminded me just a day earlier of a time when the next door neighbor complained to me about our bushes growing through the fence and me getting my sawsall and cutting the entire row to the ground. Okay I might need some work in this area.