hey potential neighbors

As if the situation next door couldn’t get more annoying I had to just deny a dude access to my backyard so he could get a better look at the roof. Could have been his broken English demand rather than a simple ASK or the fact that my yard slopes toward the drain in the opposite corner giving him a perfect view of jackshit… Either way “I go in backyard to look at roof” was met with a definitive NO.

He scrunched up his face like my word did not compute so I further explained by staring at him in silence. He then stomped back to the haunted driveway with a barrage of rapid-fire Polish for the other three milling about. No realtor was in sight and I think one of them was on the phone with the sign as she stood facing it the entire time she was spoke.

Why was I outside you might ask? Well once they drifted into my front yard their yammering bled through my walls so I went out to see what was up. I spent the next ten minutes pretending to care about my clover infestation just to make sure there were no further attempts to enter the yard. Before they left he hit me with a final question; “Why so cheap?”

Because I killed the woman who lived there and it took them a year to find the body. You’ll never get that smell out.

I am lucky my wife has class tonight as she would most likely be appalled by my behavior. I am playing defense right now as another neighbor I dislike will divide my forces amongst two fronts. Rough count twenty four different cars there today. I think I ordered a giant hazmat suit for nothing as it will probably sell before the open house I desire. oops, gotta go, someone else just pulled up. Time to change into boxers and hand water the front of the house.

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