I am not shitting on the current Pokemon Go craze in fact I think its great that people are getting outside and searching for the damn things. I also like the fact that the herd is getting thinned out by predators taking advantage of simpletons walking into dangerous situations looking for imaginary ball dwelling cartoon fighting monsters. My problem comes from the kids milling about outside of my house during the day.

I think the park and school across the street is a gathering place for the creatures and by creatures I mean other people’s kids. So the amount of foot traffic is distracting. This prompted me to search the Chinese internet for a giant Pokemon costume that I could wear whilst sitting in the front yard. This would also act as new neighbor repellent which would be an added bonus. I am also working on a plan to corner the garage sale market on Croquet balls. I will paint them up like the poke capture devices and any time a kid aims his or her phone at me in an attempted capture I will whip a real life version of the ball back at them.

Jail would seem like a nice little break and if I work the costume right (meaning wear nothing underneath it) my booking photo will dominate the internet.

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