I had the pleasure of speaking with Jerry (spelling of the name is really up to me as it was obviously not his given) from Comcast Customer Support. I was calling because we need to trim some costs up here at the lake and I was actually looking for assistance. I stated my case and he did the right thing by repeating my words back to me while he looked up my options. Then, just after repeating what I was looking for, he went for a weird up-sell that would have left my payment exactly where it was. Okay, maybe this was some kind of corporate edict so I will let this one pass.

I repeated my desire to get rid of television and made it clear that the Mach5 or whatever it’s called held no interest on my end of the conversation. This is where his scripting betrayed him. I hear what you are saying but (I hate the word but. but cancels everything said before it.) I am actually offering you MORE than what you are currently getting for a dollar less per month. Like a good salesman he let that one hang but as frequent readers know I am adept at weaponized telephonic silence and he broke first.

After asking if I was still there and me replying that I was in shock because the deal was so good. Knowing that his script wasn’t built to handle that big a swing I had a couple seconds to decide how I wanted to roll. I chose to not get angry as was my want instead I went into buy everything mode. I wont bore you with the layers but after ten solid minutes I was ordering the very best of everything including the home security system with cameras remote locks and the works. I could hear his growing big sale boner so it was time to light a match off of it.

“wow that was fun and you are really good at your job but I called to reduce my bill so how much for the same speed internet and just local channels?”

When his supervisor got on the phone I told her to mark the call and listen to the whole thing later. “As soon as he pretended I wanted something other than what I asked for we had a problem. I let him walk me through all of your corny scripting because I know it rarely works all the way through and I am willing to bet at some point he signaled you over to look at the impressive pile in my shopping cart. Now you are supposed to make a kick-save that isn’t going to happen.” (I probably should have block quoted that but fixing it would be an asspain so just go with me here)

We went back and forth for a little with me throwing in a shot about a quad play including a CB radio that she didn’t get most likely due to her age and we finished up with my bill down a hundred dollars and the local channels thrown in for free if I return the boxes to bullet proof Comcast tomorrow.

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