Comcrap and I have a dicey relationship at best. There was a problem up at the lake when the Comcast system decided to assign my three year old perfectly working cable modem to another account in the middle of the night and when I called to correct the matter I was told they could not. I never blame the Customer Servant but sometimes the idiocy of their policies and procedures drive me nuts. There is something else you should know; I don’t just talk for the sake of making mouth noise. I say words to clearly communicate my meaning and then I really try to listen to every word the other person is saying back to me. Its that listening part that annoys me and the people I interact with. For example the dude on the phone Sunday morning kept saying the word interesting.

My friends were still at the house cleaning up and drinking while I was attempting to get the internet turned back on so they got to listen to the whole thing. At some point I found myself answering every “interesting” with one of my own not letting a single one slip past. He then tried to throw in another word “ironic” but he used it wrong so I had to let him know and he immediately went back to the comfort of interesting. It got worse as we neared the hour and ten minute mark but luckily for him the installation department opened up for business. (they were the only ones allowed to fix my problem for some unknown even to him reason)

But before he could transfer me over to the other person he had to ask if I was satisfied with him and the help he provided. “Not at all because my internet is still down.” I don’t think they do much training on relatively pleasant customers who just aren’t happy and it threw him for a loop. He was looking for a script as to dealing with the obvious mental patient on the other end of the line when I said “unless you just discovered a giant ON switch for my internet service and are about to hit it there is nothing you can say to enhance your current score of zero.” I was transferred posthaste.

The next script reader had me on the phone for an additional twenty minutes when I think he discovered the problem. He used a genus move by telling me that something needed to happen in the system and I needed to unplug the modem for fifteen minutes then all should be right once again. I have done a lot of troubleshooting with internet dick-holes and 15 minutes was a new one on me but I agreed to hang up if he would call at the 20 minute mark when I didn’t show up as running in his system. I plugged everything back in at the aforementioned fifteen minute mark and presto chango we were back on the line.

I could fix the gigantic companies public relations troubles just by allowing the people on the phone access to the necessary tools to fix problems. The first guy wanted me to take the modem to the bullet proof Comcast in Benton Harbor so they could swap it out for a new one. I would have taken a day off work, driven to that slice of shite, swapped out a peice of equipment and had to install it myself all of something that was fixable in their system. Asstacular

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