The haunted house next door hasn’t sold yet and it is a puzzle to me. The thing is priced a hundred thousand dollars or more below anything comparable in the neighborhood and that was done so it would sell quickly. I think what’s happening is people are walking through and seeing what the literal definition of disaster looks like then they put in a bid under that already low number. I was stopped by one of them today as I was out front getting the mail. I walked over and he asked me what I could tell him about the house so I summed up as best I could. She and her husband were original owners which means they purchased the house over fifty years ago. Roughly twenty five years in her husband died and that’s where the trouble began. From that point time stood still in her brain and full blown hoarding began. It was everything you’ve ever seen on TV and more. Piles to the ceiling, dead rodents, the whole nine yards. (I wish I had the energy to look up that phrase because it baffles every time. I go right to football and immediately think “that’s not even a first down, what the hell?” I’m sure it has something to do with fabric or some other shit I know nothing about…)
Anyway he had the stones to ask me how little they would take for it and I let him know exactly what they were asking. Some form of protest began to escape the hole in the front of his face but it was cut off as I reminded him that I have nothing to do with the negotiations. I think he was about to get shitty which could have been fun if I didn’t have to get back to work so as I was walking away I told him to buy it then burn it to the ground. But a heads up would be nice so I could try and clean up the lighter fluid spill on the side of my house. Its all about plausible deniability and I am nothing if not filled with possible plausible. Just as I was heading back up the driveway one of my neighbors walked by with his dog asking if that was a potential buyer. “I sure hope not because he was talking about burning it to the ground and I don’t think it was a joke.” Concerned brow furrow is the key there.