I have a need to create not unlike a bunch of other people but my own bubbles to the surface quite a bit. Writing this crap is a great example of that side of me along with my mild case of photography amongst other things. This creation side is partially responsible for my recent separation of church and state or stupidtom from reallifetom. They are one in the same (I am treading some mentally dangerous ground here talking about to halves of myself and in partial third person but I am trying to process a point so deal with it) but they are also different. Real Life Tom which I will from now on call RLT has to be a confident assertive problem solver. That is the opposite of Creative Tom aka stupidtom.
Confidence has little to do with my creative process and in fact I am embarrassingly oversensitive about the things that I make. I really enjoyed drawing, painting, and sculpting as a young man. So much so that I wanted to teach Art and coach football as a career. My less than stellar scholastic record paired with my love of social activities crushed those dreams but I am not unhappy about my current situation. The only thing I think that lifestyle would have provided that is different than where I ended up is I might have stuck with my art. The problem I have always had with that side is I rarely like anything I’ve done the day after it’s finished.
This separation comes as I try and reintroduce some of that back into my life and I am going to use the online version of stupidtom to do it. Without telling or showing anyone I have started to slowly get back into drawing and in the last few weeks I have made a couple moves that will allow me to take that a bit further. Nothing I am willing to share just yet but I am mildly excited. I am telling you this because I have a couple ideas and I will use this site to launch them but I need my real life friends to tread lightly.
I mentioned that I rarely like anything I make after I create it… and I combine that, with a heaping side order of insecurity. So if someone were to see me in real life and give a less than stellar review of something I made RLT would mask his injured pride with a Damascus Steel tongue designed to cripple the offended thus thinking I am just an enormous dick not some pansy butt-hurt artist. Having given it out I will consider this fair warning.
I need to cut this now as I am heading out to the first football practice in pads that I am officially allowed to watch.