I’ve got some explaining to do. Last night before I passed out I wrote a haiku about my night but it failed to post. (Apparently I am a bigger douche when drunk) I fixed that error following the original rules of stupidtom but in spite of what the inventors of the truncated poetry think, my version didn’t explain shit.

The wife and I went out with some old dear friends to an incredible steakhouse in Minneapolis. Everything was amazing save our geriatric server. It felt like she came with the building and we could have been there on one of her last night’s at the establishment or on the planet but that is no excuse for an empty glass. She had the gait of a purebred with hip dysplasia so there might have been some resting going on but more than once her peers had to cover her table. us. And to be fair we were moving at an impressive pace but that is no excuse. Anyway, great meal with great people shit service.

So when we went outside to wait for our driver There was a brand new BMW i8 parked right up front. I squeaked like a little girl as I admired the spaceship up close. Some smalltalk with the valet had him grabbing the keys and showing me the inside. It was beautiful but when I looked back at my companions the owner of the car had stepped outside. Figuring I had just got the valet fired I went into damage control mode.

I kissed embarrassing amounts of ass attempting to replace my divot and I knew I did my job when he started telling me the story of the purchase. He ordered the thing nine months ago by flying overseas for his custom fitting. This guy is someone I can’t understand because I have trouble waiting for Amazon two day shipping on a ten dollar purchase. If I ever dropped a hundred and a half on an automobile I might ride over with it in the shipping container. There are few cars that really grab my attention and that one had me by the groin.

The best part was his trophy wife or girlfriend whatever completely busting his stones over the thing. Everytime he tried to downplay his obsession for the thing she was right there with the bullshit call. It’s slightly comforting to know all that money doesn’t completely smooth out your life.

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