Lying Liars and an idea

Imagine my surprise and delight when my boss took me out to lunch for my review and the first thing I see on the menu is this

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I was so excited. My mind immediately went to the elaborate salad bars from the eighties where they bragged about the number of individual items without the pesky food my food eats. And I thought their pay for plate size was more than fair especially if they were going to attempt to limit my trips due to cost constraints. But when I asked our server where the Meat Bar was located she crinkled her brow my way. “No, those are our version of the classic charcuterie trays…” I think that word is French and it means the food you really want to eat a lot of but we are going to serve you this other crap instead.

My mind immediately screamed FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING LIARS but remember I was getting my review so that needed to remain inner monologue. After that rocket sled to disappointment this place had no shot. The was sub par but they did give me an idea for an amazing all meat buffet. It would basically be a line of self carving stations with decorative cured meats and cheeses filling in the gaps. And by meat I mean both Cow and Pig. I might throw a bone to the vegawhatevers by throwing in a Turkey but that’s as far as I go. Fish are just vegetables from the sea living in their own excrement. And before you even think disparaging thoughts about pigs and their poop situation to develop that much delicious fat you need to minimize your exercise. Said another way, you need to shit where you sit.

Anyway this is just the preliminary stages but I am already thinking Roasted section, Fried section, Smoked Section, etc. Different bacon would round out the experience serving to take the place of the annoying courtesy deserts most places throw in. I might need to reach out to my friends with discerning liquor pallets as the bar could follow a similar theme….

This one has legs. and thighs, and ham, and ribs and steaks… sorry, I couldn’t resist. 

 

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