I had what some would describe as “one of those days.” Nothing specific or severe just some hours of existence to be endured. When I got back to this half polished turd of a hotel I decided to head on down to the fitness center. The single treadmill with a TV on top was indeed in the dead nuts center of the mirrored room so false advertising it was not. I walked at a brisk pace for a while to clear my head if clearing you head means unleashing a stampede in your skull.

I entered the elevator with a gentleman who seemed to have ants in his pants if I might quote something often said about me in my youth. Once the painfully slow door closed on us I discovered that my diagnosis was incorrect. This man was in fact attempting to hold back the birth of hot trouble. I must have missed the audible warning due to the hooves in my head and my more rapid and deeper than normal breathing. Due to the afore mentioned air intake I had a lung full of the weaponized oxygen before I smelled or more accurately tasted it.

A choking spasm was cut short as I fought my natural urge to strike this obvious Nazi as hard as I could. When he tried a smirk of contrition I warned him that by the rules of the Geneva Convention I could technically punch him in the head or gut. his choice. I went on to say I would settle for a single shoulder shot where I would attempt to permanently disable his arm. He scurried off of the elechamber with hid ass clenched tight in a decent penguin impersonation.

I am typing to you now fresh from a required shower where I waterboarded myself to get enough cleansing h2o into my sinus cavity. I will need to leave a note for the maid tomorrow attempting to explain the broken ironing board in the tub but extreme measures were called for and I answered. I might be asleep by seven.

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