When I am not on the road I work from home and for the most part it is a peaceful and productive environment. Since we built out the old single car garage on the front to serve as my office things have been great except when some idiot rings the doorbell and the dogs loose their collective minds. I tried disconnecting the thing but some of these simpletons knock if they don’t hear the chimes which makes things much worse. As Nemo nears the end, his hearing and eyesight are failing but he does know when someone opens the storm door to bang on the front one he guards slash sleeps against during the day. Barking doesn’t really bother me except when I am interacting with someone on the phone. The point of all that is I go out of my way to minimize this by cutting off potential ringers whenever possible. The mailman, the regular UPS dude, and the crazy Amazon delivery chick, all know to set the packages down and go about their business as I am watching from my office. Even when I’m not that’s just good for them to think.
So today as I watched an adult bicyclist wearing a helmet stop in my driveway and my curiosity was naturally peaked. Few of my friends ride bikes and none of them require helmets to protect them from the mean sidewalks of our subdivision. I was finishing up a call but I noticed he was carrying some pamphlets so I figured there was no reason to cut him off. He would stick them into the mailbox by the driveway and be gone. As the call ended I turned my back and the chime apeshit dogs sequence ignited behind me. I ran to the door and stepped outside.
me: “Why did you have to ring the doorbell?”
bike helmet wearing adult stranger: “To let you know I put the flyers in your door”
me: “In case I missed the oversized garbage floating to the ground when I try to leave my home?”
bike helmet wearing adult stranger: “No, I ring all of the door bells.”
me: “Well cut it out. You don’t even stay to talk if someone answers. Are you trying to get me to vote for these people with this tactic?”
bike helmet wearing adult stranger: “Yes, ***edited out political script with names and other bullshit that took too long but I let it play all the way out to see if there was an I’m sorry in there anywhere. There was none.***”
me: “It didn’t work. In fact I’m going to save both of these and make sure I don’t vote for them on election day. I care so little this year that you have given me purpose. I want to make sure that you riding around all day sticking garbage in peoples doors followed by a discourteous bell ring is for naught. So I will be walking around removing these things wherever I see them.”
bike helmet wearing adult stranger: “That’s illegal!”
me: “I don’t see how me warning my neighbors about a potential security threat is illegal. I think you ring the bell to see if anyone is home during the day so you can come back on a later date with another satchel of flyers to rob their homes.”
bike helmet wearing adult stranger: “You’d better not!”
me: “I would like to see you stop me.”
He was visibly shaken as he road away only to stop at the next house down with me still staring right at him but I was pissed and at no time did he show remorse for freaking out my dying dog. The helmet he was wearing included no face protection and that’s what he really needed this afternoon. A simple apology would have dropped the threat levels back into the safe zone. Instead I walked to the end of my driveway and then over to the hoarder house where I removed the stuff just in case he peddled back by to check.