Strolling around the Mart of Walls last night to grab some dog food long after the pet stores had closed I got a nice peek at the late night crowd. As I rounded the corner of the pet chow area I noticed the back of a woman who appeared to be older than myself by her hair and general posture. When she turned around my eyes were immediately drawn to her enormous braless breasts barely disguised by her tight thin t-shirt. Normally this would be a nice surprise on a late Friday night after driving all the way home but the location was off. And lest you think me a complete pig, well, I am but that’s not the story here. As long as I’m not really making disclaimers; I am a natural female form guy. I love you ladies any way you were made and actually think that most plastic surgery makes you look strange but who the hell am I? Do what makes you feel good. Anyway, by location I meant that her breasts were positioned way south of the normal boobquator. These things dangled even with her navel and the posture I mentioned earlier looked to be a direct result of the suspended pendulums.
Being a bit of an amateur boobologist (my wife being one of the few accredited professionals I have ever met) I knew right away by the unnatural roundness that these were old school implants. Think of the largest available cantaloupes you have ever seen worked into a pair of panty hose. Coax them all the way down to the feet then suspend the entire contraption from the back of your neck by the crotch and there you have it. Another dead giveaway to the bolt-on status was the nipple placement. They were just about dead center which forced me to conclude that her original doctor arranged them too high but I am guessing that these were a set of show ponies meant to impress while dressed so picky nipple (great band name, feel free to use) placement was not a big concern. My earlier age assessment was a bit off and having a good twenty years on me her headlights should have been shining directly onto her shoes.
I should also note that this assessment only took a matter of seconds because as soon as I realized I was looking at unrestrained former glory I quickly looked away… as is the custom in polite society. She would have none of it asking me to grab something from a high shelf then exaggerating her side twist placement into the cart and turn back my way to thank me. I was like a human Newton’s Cradle. The motion still hadn’t stop as I scurried away.
The entire time this was going on I kept hearing MARCO from the toy section. I assumed that it was a couple kids playing Marco Polo because it had been going on for a while. As I pushed my cart back past the toys he came out to the isle and yelled MARCO right at me. So I raised my voice and responded POLO. The look on his face told me that he was in fact looking for someone named Marco and had never heard of the swimming pool game I was referencing. It was time for me to get home.