try these they said

Always wearing glasses Tom is a bit of an asshole at this point. Today marks the end of work day one as I attempt to get used to progressive lenses once again. I tried them a year ago but gave up after a week because it felt like there were two little clear spots I had to look through in order to successfully read. I did buy them from the cheapest possible place which probably led to the majority of my trouble but over the year I realized I might need a little more help than just the readers I had to constantly keep within reach. The good people at Apple bought me some time with their latest software update and its magical triple tap the home button to turn it into a magnifying glass (George if you are reading this you need ios 10.2 or above then go to Settings – Accessibility – Magnifier – switch it to on) but that is not a permanent fix. I also now understand that I do in fact have a single reading area so I have to teach myself to point my nose at the things I want to read rather than shift my eyes.

I know there are long time glasses wearers (that is not right but I neither the know how nor the inclination to figure out the proper phrasing) out there who think I am being ridiculous but almost 52 year old me is not easily reeducated. And this reading thing is complete bullshit. I am forcing myself to read an hour a night until I figure it out. I say that like I have put in a single hour to this point but the intention is there.

All day strange vision things have been screwing me up. I washed an oblong dish at noon and almost missed a step not looking all the way down at my feet. The mild headache that started an hour ago has mutated into someone opening a busy bowling alley between my ears. The pounding would be awesome if it were happening to someone I hated or if anyone else could hear it. Even typing this has turned into a pain in the socket.

One final note: If you are shorter than I am and you see me before I figure this out me slamming my chin into my clavicle when we talk is so I am not distracted by Fun House Mirror you.

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