I had to do something I hate today but the holidays are not about oneself so I made my way to the mall. I was picking up an order that should have been ready last night as I was already there and the order was placed weeks ago but the person working in the store couldn’t make what I needed appear out of thin air and me getting upset would have just piled on to the shit sundae she was in the middle of enjoying. So I went to another mall and collected my incorrectly shipped goods even getting an unnecessary thanks for my patience. As I motored out of the shopatorium a charity worker barked some donation nonsense in my general direction.
Getting used to this accursed eye wear I haven’t mastered my normal DON”T TALK TO ME scowl because my eyes are wide open and my head is moving in weird patterns trying to focus on things. She took this as an invitation to discuss the predicament of defenseless animals and as soon as she took a breath I politely said no thank you. Then she got aggressive. “No thank you to the plight of innocent animals or no thank you to learning something and making the world a better place?” You know how sometimes you are going through your day kind of half asleep on autopilot because you have other things going on in your head? Well that was me until what she said registered. And suddenly I was wide awake and focused.
“Oh no, you misunderstood. I was saying NO THANK YOU to your unsolicited interaction with me. In fact I love animals. Most of them are delicious and the ones that aren’t are okay because they are food or help propagate food for my food. So unless you have some slow cooked endangered species for me to taste get out of my face. Go back to making yourself feel superior to everyone in this mall.”
She started to say something but since I had stopped being interested I just walked away. I did wonder on the drive home if her sanctimonious shame method works on anyone at all or if I was just witness to the end of her public begging rope. They really need to rethink the whole guilt thing. A better approach would be an annoying gift for the do-gooder in your life. A donation in their name… That sucks just enough to feel right.