betterless

IMG_0926

This is an outlet mall. No bullshit no photoshop. When your cop friend tells you that we need to stop at a mall on the way home to buy underpants that work better with a gun belt you half think he is kidding. Then when you get there and see the above sight you know it is either a joke or the last thing you will ever see. Turned out that neither was the case and we did, in fact, shop for horizontal access adult male undergarments. I thought I was all laughed out from the weekend but there was still some left in the tank. Shopping complete we headed home where I was met a couple hours later with a devastating boomerang hangover. I still didn’t feel quite right until this morning. My body is telling me I’m too old for some of those shenanigans but my body can shut the hell up. If I could pick one way and place to die it would be up at the lake with my friends laughing myself into the next plane of existence. Plus what an awesome final burn leaving them to deal with my bloated corpse and grieving family.

More than once someone proclaimed that we need to record audio when we all get-together. No exaggeration, I have some funny ass friends. The trouble is the recorder would have to be in a constant state of ON and no one is going to sit through all of that tape just to dig for funny. At one point on Saturday afternoon, there was at least an hour of complete silence minus the odd snore and background TV. Plus we would need some kind of team helping out as the funny can break out and catch fire in the smallest of groups. Winter would be much easier than summer. In winter everything is contained indoors no one in the water or off golfing. I don’t think it will ever happen but it would be some funny crap.

We have a problem when we gather on opening night. I think everyone is so happy to be there that they go wheels up right away which was the case on Friday. Trouble occurred as we were winding down for the evening when two stragglers showed up. Shots were poured as a new drinking game was invented and perfected all by 3:45 am. Breakfast was served somewhere around 10:00 am and the cycle started anew. There is a poker tournament or two and we always seem to find fights on TV to make fun of between busting each other’s balls.

I had some time Saturday afternoon to look around this site after that stupid boring post. This is something I rarely do but once I started I couldn’t stop.  I was not very happy with a lot of these posts. In fact, I cringed hard enough and long enough to make some decisions on the future of stupidtom. Starting immediately I will no longer be trying to post once a day. Some of those forced “post because I think I should” things make me want to burn this whole thing to the ground and salt the earth for good measure. From now on I will publish only when I have something to say.

The next discovery was Lots of Words + No Pictures = Mostly Boring so I am going to attempt better documentation. There might be some long stories now and again but that will just mean I forgot to pull my phone out or couldn’t. The point of this is I have decided to write less but better. I went to the daily schedule because I like new things to read but hold shitsticks why didn’t someone tell me some of that stuff sucked so hard? I immediately regret typing that last sentence. If you tell me this sucks I am not responsible for whatever happens before I tell you to change the channel. Looking forward to writing better, less.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s