That is a picture of a criminal. Not only did I have a horrendous travel day lasting more than twelve hours but it began with an assault from that little creep.

I was walking around the airport because my first flight was delayed and the new projected arrival time looked like it would give me a not so comfortable half hour to get from one end of the Denver United terminal to the other. Look it up sometime if you’re bored but trust me that leaves room for only the most efficient bathroom work and will probably result in some form of embarrassing airport jog. So my mind was on things out of my control and I was on the phone with the airline seeing if there was a way to pre-plan for disaster. The person on the other end of the line could not comprehend what I was attempting. I might have been the first person to ever call her BEFORE their travel plans officially blew up.

It was in the midst of this confusion that my walking path took me near that little menace. He barely registered even as I noticed I had wandered into an empty kids play area. Realizing how weird the giant bald man with no kids yelling into ear pods that looked like earrings I hustled my way out of the room and took a sharp left right into his creepy four-fingered hand. It turns out that children entering this play area could also use apple bag as a height gauge. Holy crap the pain in my nuts immediately radiated up into my stomach doubling me over. One of the earpod things scooted across the tile and I was breathing funny but at least the stars quickly blinked away so passing out would not be a thing.

Two people walked over to ask if I was okay which did NOT help. Very nice of them but unless they had an ice pack and high flow oxygen I was going through something that would just have to work itself out. I bent-over-walked to retrieve the plastic ear speaker as standing straight and tall seemed like a risky proposition. There were some comfortable chairs close and I finished my convalescence in relative peace. Seated across from him I couldn’t help but notice a look on his face like he had done this before and that is when I decided to take the picture. I live the glamorous life of a jet-setter.

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